While we continue our chat about wants I NEED to say this: You’re allowed to want what other people have!
I don’t know about all of you but for me quarantine has been a time warp of mindless scrolling and social media envy. I would watch Instagram stories of people living lives so vastly different than mine and I would get filled with envy – I was triggered.
Triggers in Action
After envy runs its course it is usually followed by shame. Shame for being jealous, shame for wanting what other people had, shame for wishing I was living a different life or had a different set of circumstances.
Shame is a useless emotion and I grew tired of tapping into it so I decided it was time to address my triggers head on – and that’s when everything clicked.
It is ok to have envy, it is ok to be jealous of what other people have, it’s ok to feel sad, annoyed, frustrated. ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID. It’s important to feel them, analyze them, look at them.
But it’s not ok to take action from this place.
What to Do With triggers
While that’s great in concept it’s a little hard to apply in real life. So I came up with a way to turn my triggers into growth. To learn from my envy and it’s been an amazing mindset shift.
To do this we need to ask ourselves why we are triggered. We have to dig into the feeling we are having and why we are having it. We have to get REAL AF with ourselves and not be afraid of what we find.
What I’ve discovered is that most envy comes from a place of fear or scarcity. A place where we ask “Why do they have what I want” when we really need to ask “Why do I feel like I can’t have what they have?” or “Why do I feel like I’m not enough?”.
We can’t place our envy on other people – we have to find where it comes from inside of us.
Its ok to want
I’ve learned that we aren’t usually triggered by other people – we are triggered by what they have. This is because they have what we want. They have something that aligns with us.
So instead of acting out of envy we need to use them as inspiration. We need to tell ourselves that our jealousy is not a “bad” thing, it’s just our brain telling us we are experiencing scarcity or lack. We are worried that we are not enough.
When we give in to envy or comparison all we are doing is giving our power away and participating in the energy of lack. We are telling ourselves we “can’t” have what we want.
Turning Triggers Into Friends
But, with this knowledge we can make our triggers our friends. When we meet our triggers where they are, get to know the emotions, find the place of lack and support ourselves on a journey to our wants, we get to grow – they help us find the places we could use a little extra love and support. We get to take control.
Honestly, I still get triggered. But, with this knowledge I’ve been able to take my triggers and turn them into opportunities for growth, clues on what I want and they’ve helped me identify where I need to add more self love into my life.
Your triggers don’t have to control you. Ready to turn them into growth?
Triggered AF MasterClass Coming Soon!
If you want more sign up for my “Triggered AF” masterclass on 8/3. We will dive into our triggers, tools for turning them into growth and how to take care of ourselves lovingly along the way. We will validate our feelings and then use them to develop ourselves and align with what we want. Details here. https://mailchi.mp/4a301b8bc6c2/triggered-af
Let’s grow babies.