self-care is not selfish

A Not So Selfish Self-Care Recap

On January 13th I embarked on a 30 day #notsoselfish self-care journey on TikTok. Why? To be honest I was feeling a bit *meh*, the monotony of the everyday sheltering in place was making me feel a bit out of it and I wanted to commit to bringing a little joy back to my everyday life. To do this I dedicated a small portion of my everyday to just me and I recorded it to put on TikTok. 

Self-Care Defined 

Self-care is unique to all of us so part of my process with this 30 day challenge was to figure out what worked for me and what did not. For me, self-care must fill my cup. I must mentally or physically feel better having done a self-care activity or it’s not really self-care. I’m a big fan of baking little moments of self-care throughout my day so some days my self-care was a mixture of things like listening to music, reading or creating something just for me. Other days my self-care was more like slothmode – some days I just physically needed to turn off my brain and my body. 

I know everyone says this but just as a reminder – self-care does not have to be bubble baths, champagne or face-masks. Sometimes self-care is saying no to things we don’t want to do, saying yes to things that scare us a little or taking a mini-break to go outside and stand in the sun. You get to decide what self-care looks like for you. If you want a little help figuring out what fills your cup check out my self-care journal prompts over on Fiverr. They are designed to help you dig into what works for you! 

Not So Selfish Accountability 

The TikTok part may seem silly but for me knowing that I had to post what I did kept me accountable. In my coaching business I pride myself on leading by example. This means that sometimes I don’t want to do the things that I say I’m going to do and some days I lack motivation. But this also means that I have the tools and insights to coach myself through the process. Posting everyday forced me to stay consistent and it reminded me that I needed to carve time out of my day for me to actually take care of myself.

This leads into a commitment and self-trust building quick tip – tell SOMEONE that you have committed to doing a thing. You can tell a friend, post it on social media, share it with your Grandma or if you’re really struggling to stay committed to taking care of you, work with a coach. Telling someone what you are doing holds you accountable. Just make sure that you tell someone who is going to be honest AND kind. You may miss a day, make a mistake or forget and you don’t need to feel bullied by your accountability partner about it. It’s human to make mistakes just keep recommitting to build that self-trust. 

Self-Care is not Selfish 

To wrap this up I’m going to leave you with a reminder – self-care is not selfish. Take a timeout to take care of you, schedule a little self-care time in your day (especially if you are feeling meh) and rekindle your love for yourself in the process. 

I thoroughly loved relearning what works for me and what doesn’t, digging in to what fills my cup and what drains me and I am so grateful that I got to share my self-care rekindling journey with all of you! 

**I am a Certified Life Coach via Universal Coaching Institute and a Professional in Human Resources via HRCI. I am not a therapist or medical professional. Please work with a medical professional when it comes to your physical or mental health. 

confidence

Confidence Building In Action

A major discovery with my 30 day not so selfish challenge was that my confidence had grown ASTRONOMICALLY over the last year. A year ago I would have struggled with the confidence to post everyday on TikTok. Due to this revelation I want to share with you my thoughts on confidence building. 

Over the last year I’ve done some deep digging, soul searching & authenticity finding & I’ve rediscovered my confidence. Before we begin I have two lessons to share with you that I believe to be true 

1. Confidence is like muscle. We all have it. We all can build it and it’s easier for some people to build than it is for others. 

2. When you are being your most authentic you, it’s easier to be confident. 

Confidence is a Muscle

A lot of being confident is learning to love yourself. It’s trusting yourself. And the only way to do that is to keep promises to yourself, set healthy boundaries, be nice to yourself when you fuck up & find ease. 

This takes time, practice & support! (It’s what I love helping people with. It can start at home or in the workplace) It also takes a willingness to be uncomfortable so that you can change. A big lesson of confidence building for me was that discomfort is not bad. It does not mean that something is wrong. Being uncomfortable can mean you are growing. Trust yourself to know the difference between growth and being out of alignment. 

Authenticity – Your Confidence Rock

This will hold you when your confidence wavers & it involves a lot of self love and self trust to be like “hi, I think this is who I am and I know that this is how I want to act”. Being authentic in its truest form means that your goals & desires stem from who you truly are and where you want to go. Authentic actions are main character energy. You get to be the main character in your life; quit acting like an accomplice. 

Authenticity is key to confidence because when you move form a place that is right for you the opinions of others weigh less. I’ve had harder conversations this year than any year in the past. Over the last 12 months the conversations I’ve had with former employers, coaches & potential clients (this is why I always screen them with a free discovery call – some people just suck) would have crushed me. People were mean, callous, jealous and honestly wasting my time but since I had started tapping into what worked for me I was able to let the things they said go. Feedback is important but in the end anyone else’s opinion of you is the least important piece of information you will receive. Do you like you? Do you think you did your best? If I can say yes to both of those then I don’t let the things people say get to me.

You have to do what works for you. Take the opinions of others in like data points but make your decisions based on how you feel about yourself. You are your most important relationship – remember that. 

Practice Practice Practice

Honestly, the best way to gain confidence is to practice it. Do something that scares you a little, then do something that scares you a little more & so on until you begin to feel the change within you. It builds like a muscle. And if you’re ready to build confidence but need a direction to start in – hit me up! Discovery calls are free, we can chat about it & make a plan. Coaching options range from $5 journal prompts to monthly coaching memberships with 1:1 chats with me available. 

Let’s go be more confident! Ok? Ok.

**I am a Certified Life Coach via Universal Coaching Institute and a Professional in Human Resources via HRCI. I am not a therapist or medical professional. Please work with a medical professional when it comes to your physical or mental health. 

28 things I've learned in 28 years

28 Things I’ve Learned in 28 Years

In honor of my birthday I’m sharing 28 things I’ve learned in my 28 years. These are the life lessons that have stood out to me recently but I’m sure there are many more! Some of these may be a bit cliche, others feel obvious & all of them are lessons I’ve had to learn MULTIPLE times.

**Disclaimer: I don’t have it all figured out but I do like the direction I’m headed in. What works for me may not work for you & that’s ok. Take what you like & leave what you don’t.

28 Things I’ve Learned  

  1. Things are rarely black & white. Apply nuance & ask questions when you don’t get something.
  2. Confidence is a learned skill.
  3. Anyone else’s opinion of your body is completely irrelevant to your life.
  4. Carbs are essential to make your brain work (I’m not a doctor but this is true for me & my body)
  5. Be silly when you can. Be serious when you need to be. Don’t be excessively serious when you don’t need to be it’s exhausting, unnecessary & it makes you boring.
  6. You are significantly smarter than you think you are. Act like it.
  7. When a white man interrupts you glare at him.
  8. Self-trust is key. Learn to trust yourself to build your self-love & self-confidence.
  9. Your most important relationship is with you. Do things that align with who you are & who you want to be.
  10. You will f*ck up at some point. The harder you try to avoid mistakes the more they will hurt when it happens. Expect them.
  11. When you do f*ck up take ownership, apologize swiftly & once you’ve done all you can do about it let it go (I know this is hard!!)
  12. Stop taking jobs your don’t like or convincing yourself that you have to pick a career path. (Unless you need the money – then take any job & always keep an eye out for a better one)
  13. You owe your boss & employer nothing. Stop staying loyal to workplaces that won’t/don’t elevate you.
  14. Your grades in college matter so much less than you think. Do your best & stop stressing.
  15. People who refuse to laugh at themselves aren’t worth your time.
  16. Toxic positivity is a waste of time & exhausting. Learn to spot the different between optimism & too good to be true & call out the bs.
  17. You do you! Find a schedule that works for you & let go of any limiting beliefs around how successful you can be because of your schedule. On that note – just stop judging yourself entirely. Being self-reflective can be good but being excessively self-critical is just mean & immobilizing.
  18. Your goals are for you. Don’t customize your goals to meet the needs of anyone else.
  19. It’s ok to sometimes put your significant other before your friends if said significant other treats you with respect. The friends who say otherwise tend to be toxic or do not want the best for you.
  20. Puppies are cute but rescue dogs are better.
  21. It’s ok to ask for a minute to process when receiving new information. You don’t have to immediately have an opinion on everything – you’re human!
  22. You cannot be perfect. You will not perfect. Start letting go of perfectionism right now. It hurts your relationship with yourself & with others.
  23. You’re allowed to change your mind. Change your beliefs if they don’t sit right.
  24. Disagreeing with someone does not always make you or them a bad person.
  25. Not being able to focus isn’t always a lack of dedication. Pay attention to when it pops up & deep dive into the why (sometimes it’s a lack of interest & that’s ok).
  26. You don’t have to be just one thing when you grow up!
  27. REST IS REQUIRED FOR SUCCESS. Sleep more you sleepy human.
  28. Remember your struggle & don’t gloss over how hard it was to get to where you are now. You’re a badass for getting here. But also check your privilege. Your struggle doesn’t get to overshadow anyone else’s. There isn’t a competition. 

There you have it – 28 things I’ve learned in 28 years. Some days I feel like I’ve always known all of this and other days I reflect on how much work it took to get here. It’s ok to not have it all figured out, it’s ok to change & grow & honestly I hope I continue to change & grow daily. 

Want me to expand on any of these? Leave a comment & let me know. 

Want me to be part of your journey? Life coaching & career coaching sessions are available! Visit this page or sign up for your free discovery call here

productive play to your strengths

My Most Effective & Productive Schedule (Not a Morning Person Style)

Have you ever googled how “productive” people schedule their days? If you haven’t I’ll save you the time. “Productive” people get up at the crack of dawn, they run 7 miles as the sun rises, they meditate, journal, write a memoir, read three newspapers, drink a green smoothie made from the healthiest of greens that they grow in their garden, AND then they begin their day by focusing on only the 3 topmost priorities in their life.

Contrary to my sass there is no shame in that lifestyle but it doesn’t work for me. I guess you could say I am not one of the “productive” people, if you buy into that there’s only one right way to be productive. 

While I may not fit in with the early bird, I wake up at the crack of dawn and have my sh*t together club – I do usually have my sh*t together. So, today, right here, right now I’m going to share with you my not-so-morning-person-morning-person-routine or the night owls guide to functioning. 

Warnings!! 

**before we begin – a warning** I have the privilege of working from home (I help people like you get their sh*t together – learn more about it here) You may need to adjust your activities to meet the demands of your life or career & include time for travel. If you need help customizing your life schedule reach out – I am happy to coach you through it. 

***also, I am not a doctor, therapist or financial advisor (nor do I want to be any of those things). I’m sharing what works for me but be sure to find a routine that works for you!

Ok, now that that is out of the way, let’s go! 

The Schedule Itself 

The Daily- Ish (M-F) Schedule of a Highly Successful Emily- Abundant AF Edition (10/10 recommend giving your schedule a fun title to help motivate you to stick to it)

7:30 am (ish): Wake up, Coffee, Yoga, Meditate, journal 

9:30 am: Client Calls, Admin, Work stuff! 

11:30 am: Break, Walk the Corgi, workout, lunch & shower

1:30 pm: Client Calls, Admin, etc. 

3:30 pm: Corgi pee break & check the mail 

4:00 pm: Back to work – wrap up whatever needs to get done or late client calls

6:00 pm: Dinner, Walk Corgi

7:00 pm: Hang out with Brenton, record podcasts, watch tv 

10:00 pm: Attempt to Sleep (I usually get my most creative ideas now and end up getting up to write them down or scribbling them in a notebook next to the bed)

11:00 pm Try to Sleep for Real (accidentally read for 30 minutes)

12:00 am: Usually Actually Asleep 

The Breakdown: What Works for Me 

Be Flexible

A few explanations that may help you while building your schedule. First, the history. This is my tried and true albeit flexible schedule. This schedule has taken me almost a year to perfect. I started listening to my body more during the *early* stages of quarantine (read more about it here). At the end of the year I decided I wanted to try being a morning person (you can watch that STRUGGLE here). And now, at the start of 2021 I have found my sweet spot.

Work to Your Strengths 

Second, I am an absolute MONSTER to wake up in the morning (ask Brenton, I get a little scary when I am sleepy). Not a morning person would be an understatement. I also am absolutely awful as a human being when I am overtired – sleep is very important to me and it is prioritized in my schedule. I try to work with my sleep pattern instead of working against it. There is no point in wasting energy to become a morning person when I don’t need to be one. In addition to that I was raised by night owls and I am most creative at night. Creativity does not equal productivity though. I am most productive between the hours of 9:30 – 11:30 am and 1:30-3:30 pm. I try to schedule anything that involves uninterrupted focus for one of those blocks of time. I know this from years of trial and error when it came to schedule meetings in the corporate world. 

Take a Break

And finally, breaks are CRUCIAL. Getting outside to see the sun (or clouds) is a game changer for me. It immediately refreshes me and helps me move from one task to another without lingering on the past. I have a built in break requirement – Herman – but if you do not have a furry friend that makes you go outside multiple times a day maybe try setting a timer to take yourself on a walk.

The Breakdown: What Did not Work for Me! 

This schedule took a lot of trial and error. A few mistakes were made. 

Stay Unique 

One, trying to make my schedule like everyone on LinkedIn. Joe CEO wakes up at 5:30am and makes millions – therefore I should wake up at 5:30am and make millions is a fallacy. I don’t want to wake up at 5:30 am and Joe is probably wealthy because of nepotism. Waking up before the sun does not make anyone more productive – it just makes them a morning person. Being a morning person does not make you more successful (unless you are naturally inclined towards mornings). Create a schedule that works for you and who you want to be and empathically ignore the feedback of anyone who isn’t affected by it. 

You do YOU 

Another mistake I made was thinking that I needed to get up when Brenton (my partner) got up. Brenton is a morning person, I am a night person. For weeks I felt guilty about him getting up to walk the dog while I slept in until it dawned on me that he didn’t give a f*ck about it or he would have woke me up. He wants me to be healthy and happy and that includes getting enough sleep. It’s ok to be on different sleep schedules than the people you live with – it probably makes both of you more productive and stronger if you both utilize your natural abilities to get sh*t done. 

Perfectionism

A third misconception I had about my schedule was that I had to follow it religiously. I used to sweat it if I overslept – now I just let it go. As long as I’m up and ready before any calls AND I get everything I need to do done in the day I consider it a success. No more bullying myself about oversleeping. 

Chaos

And finally, the fourth mistake I made was throwing away my schedule completely. For a short period of time I let myself stay up until 3am and sleep until noon. This was awful for my mental health, it prevented me from eating on a regular schedule and it made me sad. I’m someone who needs a loose schedule with chunks of time to play with and having no structure was not good got me. 

TLDR: Find what feels good for you and optimizes your ability to get what you need done WHILE prioritizing your health (physical and mental) 

I hope this breakdown helps! And remember, being productive is not the end goal! You are so much more than what you do – but sometimes you just need to get sh*t done. 

Here to help you make your life more manageable just sign up for a free discovery call here

healthy hobbies and healthy habits

Healthy Hobbies: How I Stay Sane at Home

Healthy hobbies I picked up in 2020/2021!

By healthy hobbies I really mean hobbies that keep me from losing my mind at home. I’m not a big drinker, I don’t have a yard to run or play with my dog in and I’m self-employed and run a business that relies on people having jobs and money! Now that I no longer work for corporations, can’t go on vacations and find it too dangerous to visit family or eat out at restaurants I have extra free-time on my hands (I was wasting 20+ hours a week talking to people about nothing before all of this – what a life). 

At the beginning of quarantine a lot of us turned to things like Netflix, alcohol, TikTok and MINDLESS SOCIAL MEDIA SCROLLING. For the first few months of COVID quarantine I would work on my business then immediately turn to mind numbing activities like the above. Eventually my brain got bored. Now that we are almost a year in I’ve tried to cut waaaaay back on all of them (except you TikTok – I love you TikTok). So, now that I have fully adjusted to my self-employed stay at home lifestyle I’m going to share with you what I do for FUN with all that extra time. 

Most of these will involve purchasing items to get started BUT I have included two habits I picked up that are absolutely free & can be done with paper, computer, cell phone notes section or with chalk on the ground. 

Alcohol

Before we start let’s talk about the pink elephant in the room (alcohol). A lot of people are killing time in quarantine with booze – you do you boo I’m not here to shame you but here’s a little about why that doesn’t work for me. 

1. Anxiety. (hangxiety, anxiety while drinking, anxiety while sober – it’s omnipresent) 

2. The only alcohol that tastes good to me now is $50 a bottle (Moet is best #champagneproblems)

3. Sugar upsets my stomach in large quantities 

4. I like to create more than I like to consume. I like to do things (assuming I’ve had enough rest) and being hungover is not conducive for creativity. 

I’m ready for my AARP card now.

Does this mean I NEVER drink? No, it just means I don’t drink often because I’ve found so many other things that I want to do with my money and time. And that don’t affect my psyche.

So what do I do instead? 

Roller Skating: Impala Skates (thank you Brenton) 

Let’s start with the newest edition to my hobbies – learning to roller skate. Brenton lovingly got me pink skates for Christmas and while I’ve only gotten to take them out a couple times (stupid rain) its SO MUCH FUN and also SO TERRIFYING. If you have a park, parking lot, quiet street or a first floor non-carpet apartment I 10/10 recommend giving skates a go! 

Learning Keyboard 

The next hobby I’m going to talk about is playing keyboard. Have I had my keyboard for a year? Almost! Am I good at it? Absolutely not!! But I love learning songs on it. I personally love using this Youtube account for tutorials on how to play popular songs. I’ve let myself absolutely stink at playing music and it’s honestly really fun! If you are not musically inclined I 10/10 recommend picking up an instrument and learning off the internet. This let’s me tap into beginner’s mind and gives me an insurmountable mountain to climb – there will always be something new to learn. 

Painting

The third hobby I’m going to share with you all is painting! I picked this hobby up at the end of 2019 (maybe I was subconsciously preparing for this relentless year of at home living). The premise of at home painting is simple. I just find a Youtube tutorial on how to paint something, follow along, never have all the right colors and then I just kind of let my “creativity” take over and go off the rails. 

What I love about this is that I have learned that most “mistakes” in painting can be covered or adapted to. Painting allows me to tap into an artform that I never really understood and still have no idea how colors truly go together. If you want to jump in and need a joyful companion to paint with I highly recommend following a Bob Ross tutorial on Netflix. *insert gif of happy little clouds here* 

Writing (Absolutely FREE) 

Next let’s talk about something absolutely free – all it requires is your imagination – writing! As someone who loves to talk things out when they need to process I’ve found writing to be a great way to do this. The best thing about writing is that you can always SUCK and just keep it to yourself – there is literally no risk to writing.

There are quite a few ways and things to write but I’ve been dabbling in the following: 

  1. Blog posts (hi!) 
  2. Journaling (this is my personal favorite way to practice self-care and check in with myself – when my feelings or thoughts feel a bit too big I try to put them on paper) 
  3. Fiction storytelling (I picked this up in 2018 and while I’ve only ever submitted and finished one story I love doing this – I find character and world building insanely fun and it makes time FLY) 
  4. Poetry (a great way to make my thoughts and feelings make sense. It gets them out of my body and onto paper) 

If you want to write but you have no idea where to start here are a few ideas to help you. 

  1. Want to write fiction? Find or create a playlist that aligns with the world you want to be in or create. I personally love listening to dark academia playlists and writing about woods, magic, friendship, etc. 
  2. Want to journal? Find some journal prompts! You can find them on Pinterest, Google but I’m partial to the customized ones I create over on Fiverr! 
  3. Want to write blog posts? Journal or write about something that interests you. See where that thought takes you and try to narrow it down into a topic. 
  4. Want to write poetry? I have no idea what I’m doing in that department either but you can follow my poetry instagram for inspo! @ playingwithpoems 

Co-creating Additional Media 

Brenton and I have kept ourselves busy with a plethora of projects including: 

There you have it! A few of the many ways I keep myself busy and creative during these “unprecedented times”. Does this mean I don’t spend an inordinate amount of hours playing Animal Crossing? No – I still maintain an island!  Do I do all of these everyday? No! I don’t even do all of them every week – I tend to cycle through them adding new hobbies and putting down old ones in a seemingly random pattern. 

Along with all this fun I also help people get their sh*t together, organize their life, apply for (and find) jobs and many other fun life and career coaching activities. Helping people make more money or find what motivates them is my passion and I am so grateful for every single client I get to work with!! 


If you want in on the coaching fun sign up for a free discovery call here or visit this page to learn more!

adapting to change

Adapting – Change Management

Sometimes we pick change, sometimes change picks us. 2020 has reminded us that we are all constantly at risk of major change and we cannot always control what happens. What we can control is how well we adapt to change and how we grow from it. So today we are going to talk about making change manageable. We are practicing accepting change, embodying change and adapting without resistance.

Being adaptable is encouraged but not required. As Darwin did NOT say “adapt or die” (it’s a misquote – did you know that? I didn’t until I googled it for this blog post but you can learn more here

So if we are being honest, you do not have to adapt to survive. You do not have to manage change gracefully – you can drag your feet through every little adjustment. If you want to make things easier on yourself it’s time to start managing change. Know that if you decide to try the below you have already chosen change. Somewhere there is a desire for change. A wish to approach the world differently. To reach your goals – you are going to have to change. 

Adaptability is not required but if you learn to go with the flow and adapt quickly you will save time, effort and make your goal getting so much more manageable. 

If you want to create change you have to learn how to manage it! Let’s dive into the details. 

We are making change manageable (and adapting to it) by: 

In 2021 we are going to be adaptable. We are going to do all of this from a place of self love, self acceptance, and a whole lot of patience. Are you ready for it? Let’s customize your plan together – discovery calls are always free.

Self- Trust & Self-Love