not too late to change

It’s Not Too Late To Change

As a coach my job is to help you identify what you want to do, help you highlight an authentic functional path to get there and to help you stay motivated to get to your goal. Some of this work is strategy, some is mindset and a lot of it is helping you learn to accept change when it shows up. 

I’m not going to sugarcoat or lie about change – it can suck sometimes. Change is hard. I know this because I’ve resisted change before. We resist change because it’s scary, there are unknowns and our “What If” Monsters LOVE to go rogue. Our options here are to either

  1. Reject change wholeheartedly, stay stuck and slowly grow miserable, uncomfortable or build pressure until we go with the change 

OR 

  1. Lovingly embrace change, try to find clarity in what we want and set goals to grow to a place that fulfills us

Option 1 is always there, we can drag our feet and spend energy getting frustrated at change but I prefer to coach my clients towards Option 2. Once we begin to find the benefits in change we can spend less energy fighting it and reallocate our energy to moving towards our goals. 

**Want to deep dive into change management together? Check out this blog post or schedule a free discovery call to work on a customized plan to make your life work for you. 

A little chat on change!

It’s Not Too Late to Change (your career, your life, whatever)

Something I hear a lot in my practice is “Am I too old to (insert big life goal or dream here)?”. The people who ask this question range anywhere from their mid-twenties to my Gen X clients. This question always breaks my heart because never has the answer been “yes”. Before I break this down further here is a very cliche but important reminder. You are not too old to try the new thing you want to try, you are not too old to go back to school, you are not too old to go after the things that you really want and if you truly want something there is no shame in trying to make it happen for yourself. 

In summary, it is never too late to change. To help clients through this process I always ask them why they didn’t try working towards their desire earlier.The answers to this vary dramatically and give clarity on why now might be the perfect time to actual work towards this goal. I’ve worked with people who just thought of this goal in recent years, finally had the financial or time abundance to work towards their goal or people who waited because their fear and “What If” monster held them back. 

Waiting for Inspiration v Stalling

You are not a bad person for waiting until you felt safe to go towards your goal. It does not make you less driven or a failure to wait to have financial security before chasing what you want – it’s your life you get to decide what is most important and sometimes things are outside of your control. I personally played this game myself. 

For years I knew I wanted to start a Youtube channel and use social media to help people but I struggled to find the right way to do this – so I waited. Over the last couple years I realized that I could use social media as a way to help people with the things I struggled with like knowing what I wanted, learning how to ask for what I wanted, negotiating, setting boundaries with work and self-confidence building. 

Why Going Slow Was OK

Once I got clarity on what I wanted to do I decided it was time to take action. I’m very grateful I  waited. If I had not waited I might have gone down a less aligned path on social media, I may have tried building a brand around clothing or something less authentic to me and it would have been an unstable business adventure. 

I am also glad that I started when I did. Building the confidence to start going after my goals and dreams was a huge undertaking. This was an opportunity to choose change and if I had not chosen change when it showed up I would have truly struggled adjusting to the roller coaster of 2020. And now I get to help others manage the twists and turns of choosing change. If you’re ready to try embracing change, reach out – I’m happy to help you find your niche, passion or big goal and make a plan to get there.

Let’s choose to change together! 

**I am a certified Life Coach and PHR. I am not a mental health professional. 

accept ease let it be easy

Accepting Ease & Letting Things Be Easy

Let’s make things easy (or at least easier)! 

As the former Queen of Overcomplication I’m on a constant hunt for more ease in my life. I’m consistently looking for ways to let myself relax, receive and lessen the difficulty level in my life. My search for ease has not been…well…easy and I think this is because of the aforementioned habit of overcomplication. 

Recently I was chatting with a friend and we were digging into why we struggle to accept ease in our lives. We came to the conclusion that as women, life is harder for us, we expect things to be difficult and when things don’t meet those difficult expectations we begin to feel imposter syndrome. This week’s blog is all about this conversation and my journey to accept more ease in my life – let’s jump in! 

It Can’t Be Easy for ME! 

Until 2020 I subscribed to a limiting belief that for me and me alone everything must be hard. Other people can have ease but I was not allowed to let myself enjoy the things that were easy for me. If something was easy I struggled to feel like I achieved it. I felt like I was getting away with something or that I hadn’t somehow “earned” the ease. As if ease meant that I was cheating life or getting away with something I shouldn’t. I felt shame around a lack of perceived hard work. 

I have intentionally looked for ways to make things harder because I doubted the validity of anything that was easy. My inability to accept ease had me doing mental gymnastics to find reasons why I couldn’t have things that were available to me. A surplus of self doubt and questions were abundant with every easy moment. 

“Who am I stepping on to get here?” “How is my presence preventing the success of another?” “What right do I have to find ease in this?” In my mind everything had to come at a cost and the cost of ease must be negative. 

Inability to Accept Ease 

In short, I have spent the majority of my life worrying about breaking a “rule” that didn’t exist. A rule that unfairly declared that life has to be hard for ME. In hindsight not only is that stupid but it’s also a little narcisistic – as if the universe has time to sit there and actively plan against me. To undo the damage of this limiting belief I now tell myself the following. 

Things don’t have to be hard. 

Things can be easy sometimes. 

You are allowed to accept what is offered to you. 

Things do not HAVE TO BE COMPLICATED.

You are allowed to want and ask for more. 

Silly little reminders but they were crucial to my newfound acceptance of ease. 

Accepting Ease 

If something goes your way, even if things are going sideways for everyone else, it’s ok to accept the easy route. When life hands you an easy option and it works for you – TAKE IT! If you are not hurting anyone else; you are allowed to take the short cuts. 

Life is hard enough, shit hits the fan whether or not you accept ease. 2020 taught us that even when we think things can’t get stranger, worse or wilder – they actually can. So when the option arises take the easy way, accept help if you want to, allow yourself to enjoy the ease and save your energy for the fights that don’t have an easy option. 

Coaching 

I hope my personal take on ease reminds you to let yourself go with the flow from time to time. If you want to chat more about ease, life planning, career goals or how to make a plan that is easy to stick to you can schedule a free discovery call here

If you need help figuring out wtf you actually want to do with your life you can purchase my self-paced program here. 

And if you want to boost your confidence and say yes to ease with gusto you can check out my confidence journal prompts here

Love you! See you over on Tiktok (my handle is emilybrucesky) or Youtube <3 


say no

Say No More Often

No is the most powerful word in my vocabulary – I’ve learned to love to say no. “No thank you” is a complete sentence, a way to get men to (hopefully) leave you alone, it’s a boundary, and it’s empowering to use and say. 

Unfortunately, no can also be REALLY hard to say. It’s alleged that as a toddler I was pretty damn good at saying no but as I got older the people pleasing requirements of being a woman kicked in. Boundaries and saying no got harder because being easy going was expected and requested of me. I allowed people pleasing tendencies to kick in which meant I was queen of yes and limited on my no’s. People pleasing sucked the life out of me so eventually I had to build boundaries, confidence and in turn learn to use no again. As an adult I’ve brought no back into my life with gusto. 

Now that I am the queen of NO let’s chat about the power behind the word in hopes that it inspires you to say no more. 

**Before we start a disclaimer. I am not responsible for your life decisions. You are the subject matter expert in your own life. This is general and generic advice based on lived experience. I am a Certified Life Coach via Universal Coaching Institute and a Professional in Human Resources via HRCI. I am not a therapist or medical professional. Please work with a medical professional when it comes to your physical or mental health. 

Misconceptions About No 

Before I share my use case for no, let’s talk a bit about the reputation it has been given. A misconception I had with no is that no = negative. Apparently I am not alone in this. While researching for this post I found a Psychology Today article that also talks about this. (I’ll link it here if you want to check it out). 

In my personal viewpoint no is not a negative it is neutral.  If I say no to something because it does not align with me then I am remaining true to myself. If I say yes to something because I feel bad about saying no then I am compromising on myself. With this perspective yes is more likely to have a negative impact than a no.

What if I Say No and People Get Mad?

Can saying no get us in trouble? Yes. Some people do not appreciate our boundaries. In some scenarios people will get really mad or offended if we say no. But can yes get us in trouble and cause us to over extend ourselves? Also yes. 

My suggestion to this is to say no in a smart way. Do not start just saying NO NO NO to everything. Start small, set a boundary, make it clear and explain it only when necessary.

No in Action

So how do we use it? No is my boundary setting bff. I would recommend starting slow but your relationship with no is unique to you so use it how you see fit. Some of my favorite examples of no in the wild are: 

Beginner

Your boss calls you on your day off and asks you to come in. You are tired. You requested this day off. You do not want to go to work or make the extra money so you say “No, I can’t come in today. Thanks for offering me the hours but I’m going to have to pass”. You do not have to explain further. It is not your job to find someone else to cover that shift. After you hang up the phone celebrate – you just used no!

Intermediate

A coworker has quit and your boss asks you to handle a portion of that role while they look for a replacement. You agree because 1) they didn’t really ask they just told you to and 2) you are a team player. Months go by. They put searching for a replacement on the backburner because you are so “good” at handling both roles. You are personally burnt out. Working both roles has left you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, always behind and that energy has seeped into your personal life. In your next 1:1 with your boss they ask you to take on additional work to help out. This might be a great time to try saying no. “I’m sorry but I cannot take on any additional work until we replace the coworker that left” or “No, I cannot fit that additional work into my schedule with x and x project, work, etc”. You can say no without saying no if you’re afraid of coming off too strong or you can be bold and pull out a no with an example. 

BONUS EXAMPLE

Advanced level from my college years:  A man approached my friend and I at a bar (back when bars were still a place to go and be) and he tried to talk to us. We were not interested and made that very clear but he stuck around. My friend looked at him and literally just said “no thank you”. Deadpan. No smile, no sorry, no apologies at all. Just “no thank you”. He walked away. The power of no is limitless if you say it with conviction. 

No Thank You to Yes

Taylor may have been on some new sh*t but I personally will not be saying yes instead of no. I say no to bachelorette parties because I don’t enjoy them (but I love my friends). I say no to speaking engagements that do not align with me. I will even say no to potential clients (nicely of course) if I don’t think I’m the right coach to help them. 

No is my power word, it helps me stay within my integrity and it shows me that I trust myself to know when to walk away. I hope this inspires you to add a little more no into your life! Want to chat it out? Coaching sessions are available here – discovery calls are always free for new clients!  

self-care is not selfish

A Not So Selfish Self-Care Recap

On January 13th I embarked on a 30 day #notsoselfish self-care journey on TikTok. Why? To be honest I was feeling a bit *meh*, the monotony of the everyday sheltering in place was making me feel a bit out of it and I wanted to commit to bringing a little joy back to my everyday life. To do this I dedicated a small portion of my everyday to just me and I recorded it to put on TikTok. 

Self-Care Defined 

Self-care is unique to all of us so part of my process with this 30 day challenge was to figure out what worked for me and what did not. For me, self-care must fill my cup. I must mentally or physically feel better having done a self-care activity or it’s not really self-care. I’m a big fan of baking little moments of self-care throughout my day so some days my self-care was a mixture of things like listening to music, reading or creating something just for me. Other days my self-care was more like slothmode – some days I just physically needed to turn off my brain and my body. 

I know everyone says this but just as a reminder – self-care does not have to be bubble baths, champagne or face-masks. Sometimes self-care is saying no to things we don’t want to do, saying yes to things that scare us a little or taking a mini-break to go outside and stand in the sun. You get to decide what self-care looks like for you. If you want a little help figuring out what fills your cup check out my self-care journal prompts over on Fiverr. They are designed to help you dig into what works for you! 

Not So Selfish Accountability 

The TikTok part may seem silly but for me knowing that I had to post what I did kept me accountable. In my coaching business I pride myself on leading by example. This means that sometimes I don’t want to do the things that I say I’m going to do and some days I lack motivation. But this also means that I have the tools and insights to coach myself through the process. Posting everyday forced me to stay consistent and it reminded me that I needed to carve time out of my day for me to actually take care of myself.

This leads into a commitment and self-trust building quick tip – tell SOMEONE that you have committed to doing a thing. You can tell a friend, post it on social media, share it with your Grandma or if you’re really struggling to stay committed to taking care of you, work with a coach. Telling someone what you are doing holds you accountable. Just make sure that you tell someone who is going to be honest AND kind. You may miss a day, make a mistake or forget and you don’t need to feel bullied by your accountability partner about it. It’s human to make mistakes just keep recommitting to build that self-trust. 

Self-Care is not Selfish 

To wrap this up I’m going to leave you with a reminder – self-care is not selfish. Take a timeout to take care of you, schedule a little self-care time in your day (especially if you are feeling meh) and rekindle your love for yourself in the process. 

I thoroughly loved relearning what works for me and what doesn’t, digging in to what fills my cup and what drains me and I am so grateful that I got to share my self-care rekindling journey with all of you! 

**I am a Certified Life Coach via Universal Coaching Institute and a Professional in Human Resources via HRCI. I am not a therapist or medical professional. Please work with a medical professional when it comes to your physical or mental health. 

confidence

Confidence Building In Action

A major discovery with my 30 day not so selfish challenge was that my confidence had grown ASTRONOMICALLY over the last year. A year ago I would have struggled with the confidence to post everyday on TikTok. Due to this revelation I want to share with you my thoughts on confidence building. 

Over the last year I’ve done some deep digging, soul searching & authenticity finding & I’ve rediscovered my confidence. Before we begin I have two lessons to share with you that I believe to be true 

1. Confidence is like muscle. We all have it. We all can build it and it’s easier for some people to build than it is for others. 

2. When you are being your most authentic you, it’s easier to be confident. 

Confidence is a Muscle

A lot of being confident is learning to love yourself. It’s trusting yourself. And the only way to do that is to keep promises to yourself, set healthy boundaries, be nice to yourself when you fuck up & find ease. 

This takes time, practice & support! (It’s what I love helping people with. It can start at home or in the workplace) It also takes a willingness to be uncomfortable so that you can change. A big lesson of confidence building for me was that discomfort is not bad. It does not mean that something is wrong. Being uncomfortable can mean you are growing. Trust yourself to know the difference between growth and being out of alignment. 

Authenticity – Your Confidence Rock

This will hold you when your confidence wavers & it involves a lot of self love and self trust to be like “hi, I think this is who I am and I know that this is how I want to act”. Being authentic in its truest form means that your goals & desires stem from who you truly are and where you want to go. Authentic actions are main character energy. You get to be the main character in your life; quit acting like an accomplice. 

Authenticity is key to confidence because when you move form a place that is right for you the opinions of others weigh less. I’ve had harder conversations this year than any year in the past. Over the last 12 months the conversations I’ve had with former employers, coaches & potential clients (this is why I always screen them with a free discovery call – some people just suck) would have crushed me. People were mean, callous, jealous and honestly wasting my time but since I had started tapping into what worked for me I was able to let the things they said go. Feedback is important but in the end anyone else’s opinion of you is the least important piece of information you will receive. Do you like you? Do you think you did your best? If I can say yes to both of those then I don’t let the things people say get to me.

You have to do what works for you. Take the opinions of others in like data points but make your decisions based on how you feel about yourself. You are your most important relationship – remember that. 

Practice Practice Practice

Honestly, the best way to gain confidence is to practice it. Do something that scares you a little, then do something that scares you a little more & so on until you begin to feel the change within you. It builds like a muscle. And if you’re ready to build confidence but need a direction to start in – hit me up! Discovery calls are free, we can chat about it & make a plan. Coaching options range from $5 journal prompts to monthly coaching memberships with 1:1 chats with me available. 

Let’s go be more confident! Ok? Ok.

**I am a Certified Life Coach via Universal Coaching Institute and a Professional in Human Resources via HRCI. I am not a therapist or medical professional. Please work with a medical professional when it comes to your physical or mental health. 

28 things I've learned in 28 years

28 Things I’ve Learned in 28 Years

In honor of my birthday I’m sharing 28 things I’ve learned in my 28 years. These are the life lessons that have stood out to me recently but I’m sure there are many more! Some of these may be a bit cliche, others feel obvious & all of them are lessons I’ve had to learn MULTIPLE times.

**Disclaimer: I don’t have it all figured out but I do like the direction I’m headed in. What works for me may not work for you & that’s ok. Take what you like & leave what you don’t.

28 Things I’ve Learned  

  1. Things are rarely black & white. Apply nuance & ask questions when you don’t get something.
  2. Confidence is a learned skill.
  3. Anyone else’s opinion of your body is completely irrelevant to your life.
  4. Carbs are essential to make your brain work (I’m not a doctor but this is true for me & my body)
  5. Be silly when you can. Be serious when you need to be. Don’t be excessively serious when you don’t need to be it’s exhausting, unnecessary & it makes you boring.
  6. You are significantly smarter than you think you are. Act like it.
  7. When a white man interrupts you glare at him.
  8. Self-trust is key. Learn to trust yourself to build your self-love & self-confidence.
  9. Your most important relationship is with you. Do things that align with who you are & who you want to be.
  10. You will f*ck up at some point. The harder you try to avoid mistakes the more they will hurt when it happens. Expect them.
  11. When you do f*ck up take ownership, apologize swiftly & once you’ve done all you can do about it let it go (I know this is hard!!)
  12. Stop taking jobs your don’t like or convincing yourself that you have to pick a career path. (Unless you need the money – then take any job & always keep an eye out for a better one)
  13. You owe your boss & employer nothing. Stop staying loyal to workplaces that won’t/don’t elevate you.
  14. Your grades in college matter so much less than you think. Do your best & stop stressing.
  15. People who refuse to laugh at themselves aren’t worth your time.
  16. Toxic positivity is a waste of time & exhausting. Learn to spot the different between optimism & too good to be true & call out the bs.
  17. You do you! Find a schedule that works for you & let go of any limiting beliefs around how successful you can be because of your schedule. On that note – just stop judging yourself entirely. Being self-reflective can be good but being excessively self-critical is just mean & immobilizing.
  18. Your goals are for you. Don’t customize your goals to meet the needs of anyone else.
  19. It’s ok to sometimes put your significant other before your friends if said significant other treats you with respect. The friends who say otherwise tend to be toxic or do not want the best for you.
  20. Puppies are cute but rescue dogs are better.
  21. It’s ok to ask for a minute to process when receiving new information. You don’t have to immediately have an opinion on everything – you’re human!
  22. You cannot be perfect. You will not perfect. Start letting go of perfectionism right now. It hurts your relationship with yourself & with others.
  23. You’re allowed to change your mind. Change your beliefs if they don’t sit right.
  24. Disagreeing with someone does not always make you or them a bad person.
  25. Not being able to focus isn’t always a lack of dedication. Pay attention to when it pops up & deep dive into the why (sometimes it’s a lack of interest & that’s ok).
  26. You don’t have to be just one thing when you grow up!
  27. REST IS REQUIRED FOR SUCCESS. Sleep more you sleepy human.
  28. Remember your struggle & don’t gloss over how hard it was to get to where you are now. You’re a badass for getting here. But also check your privilege. Your struggle doesn’t get to overshadow anyone else’s. There isn’t a competition. 

There you have it – 28 things I’ve learned in 28 years. Some days I feel like I’ve always known all of this and other days I reflect on how much work it took to get here. It’s ok to not have it all figured out, it’s ok to change & grow & honestly I hope I continue to change & grow daily. 

Want me to expand on any of these? Leave a comment & let me know. 

Want me to be part of your journey? Life coaching & career coaching sessions are available! Visit this page or sign up for your free discovery call here