What Just Happened? 2021 Edition

It’s New Year’s Eve – I am on the couch with Herman and Brenton. We are reflecting on the chaos, confusion and pockets of joy that made our 2021 memorable. Want to take a trip down my already hazy memory lane with us? 

First Half of 2021

Early 2021 included my 28th birthday, an emergency trip to the vet for Vicar Herm and my first viral TikTok. Ruffling the feathers of white men and boomers was kind of fun but more importantly it led to a wildly successful (by my standards) year in my business. 

Anyone else exceptionally confused by the passing of time in 2021? The last year has been...weird to say the least.
Herman never quite got the cone thing down

In spring I started a new Instagram account in an attempt to truly embody confidence and share some of my poetry. Poems are my favorite way to self-regulate and most of my big feelings become fuel for processing and playing through words. 

Somewhere over the course of the next months I created my second self-paced program (a 35 day confidence building journal), self-published on KDP and made a small yet powerful name for myself on TikTok. 

Second Half of 2021

Over the summer of 2021 I added writing services to my business, created copy for programs for other coaches and took on an additional job to help fund my desperate desire for everything on the Reformation website (it’s a problem and a lifestyle). We also lost some very important people in our lives to cancer, took a trip to the mountains and made an unconscious decision to start trusting ourselves more. 

July was my best month for my business and that month alone brought me more success than all of 2020. True highs followed by true lows seemed to be the theme of the year. 

Fall was filled with big feelings, a lot of watching the West Wing, hard conversations around boundaries and a new normal as I settled into my new day to day routines. August brought big conversations around the future and September brought a shiny sapphire ring. Getting engaged and planning our wedding has been the highlight of 2021. November brought dress shopping, hugs from grandparents and party planning. 

Ending 2021 with Gratitude

And now, here we sit, at the end of December. This month was filled with family, much needed rest, bubble baths and much needed corgi couch snuggles. And from this couch I am so grateful for the weird year I had. I am grateful for the privilege to work from home. My gratitude extends to my social media followers, my friends/family and to you, the reader of this blog. Thank you for being here, for making it through 2021 somehow – I know it was rather hard. 

Looking towards 2022, I am excited. I am excited about our wedding next year. I am proud of how much I’ve grown since I started this blog. I’m grateful for the new (and returning) clients I have lined up for January. But most of all I’m looking towards 2022 with optimism (maybe a tad bit of delusion). 

Stay safe, stay home and see you in 2022! 

New Year, Same Witch

new year

Happy New Year!! We have made it, it is the last day of 2020. Congrats! You did it! I’m so proud of you!

First, let’s chat some New Year New You reminders:

  • The pandemic isn’t over just because you are over it
  • 2020 was A LOT so be really f*cking nice to yourself this year
  • You are so much more than what you do for a living (I’ve got a blog & video all about this subject – go check it out if you need a reminder)
  • Whatever you accomplished in 2020 was MORE THAN ENOUGH (mentally & physically living through a pandemic is bad*ss).
  • YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SET GOALS THIS WEEK
  • If you set 2021 goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them remember to be flexible. 2020 taught us the importance of being able to pivot, delay, slow down & adapt.
  • You do not have to start your goals on 1/1 – you can start making changes in your life on any day, at any time, regardless of the date or time of year. 

Now that we have covered our reminders let’s chat goals. If you’re going the goal setting route I encourage you to take a week or two to get settled into 2021 before you start jumping into action. Rest is crucial for our success. Going into a new plan on the verge of burnout creates unnecessary stress in our lives. 

So rest. 

And if you think you’ve rested enough ask yourself why you think that. 

Is it because you believe productivity is equal to worth? Noodle on that one for me. 

Could it be because you don’t find rest very “restful”? Example: I struggle with sitting still. Sometimes rest for me is moving my body gently to rest my mind. 

Or is it because you are a self care queen & you are able to keep your cup full? 

Don’t push yourself this year. Hustle culture has taught us to push, go, chase, strive & sometimes we need to ignore this impulse. Take a little time, think about what you want & try to detox from hustle culture. Use your PTO (if you’ve been ignoring it) to take a time out. 

Start your goals when you’re rested. 

I’ll be back with a new post about goal setting on January 6th! Until then, rest, be well & be proud of yourself for getting through the year. 

*100% already rested & ready to start goal setting? Sign up for a free coaching discovery call – let’s create a sustainable plan to your goals. Link to schedule your call here

Goal Setting for Success

Goal setting is one of my favorite things to do. I love sitting down and writing out all the things I want to accomplish and sit in the glory of my imaginary future successes. What I enjoy less is actually putting in the work. Like most humans (I presume), I am inherently lazy and struggle to find motivation, especially during the dark days of winter. Luckily, 2019 me has a leg up on the competition because I have 5 strategies I use to get myself moving towards my goals.

  1. Only set goals that are realistic and only set a couple at a time.  I think most goals should be made up of bite-sized goals that you can check off as you go (more on this in strategy two). That being said, not every goal needs to be a time consuming project to manage. One of my favorite goals that I have continued with from 2016  is to try to meditate more so that I can eventually solidify a daily practice. I don’t expect myself to meditate everyday because life happens, but I prioritize making time to meditate each evening.
  2. Make a plan to get started. Once I decide on my goals I write down a list of things I think I need to do to accomplish them. For example, I want to learn conversational spanish this year. To meet this goal I need to research Spanish schools in my city, sign up for a courses, participate in the courses and study. I then set myself due dates. I must select a Spanish course by the end of this week, sign up by the end of January and begin taking courses in February. From there I can decide if I need to continue taking courses, sign up for a different style of course or attend retreats to practice conversation. I don’t know what the process will look like in the end but I know where I am going and how I am going to get started.
  3. Tell everyone. Once a plan is in motion I have to actually do the work, which is the shitty part. My number one tip to hold myself accountable is to tell everyone. By everyone, I literally mean everyone. My boss, therapist, boyfriend, mother, best friend, and dog are all well aware that I am trying to do more things that scare me this year. This is easy for me, since I am a giant blabbermouth, and it makes me think twice before I skip my meditation or back out of trying something new because it scares me. This also allows others to help you come up with creative ways to meet your goals and it might help set you up with my next tip, an accountabilibuddy.
  4. Accountabilibuddy, not only is it fun to say, but it is also ideal to have one. An accountabilibuddy is someone who knows what you are trying to accomplish, wants you to succeed and will motivate you to continue your journey to your goals (bonus points if they are also trying to reach the same goals). As social creatures it can be important to have someone who knows how hard you have been working when the new goal setting motivation is gone and the new routine hasn’t settled in yet.
  5. Just fucking show up and expect nothing else from yourself. As a recovering perfectionist I have a hard time showing up for something, especially if it is something physical like a workout or class, if I don’t feel like I can perform at 100%. To compromise with this ridiculous trait of mine I have decided that I will no longer hold myself to a high standard when I do not feel up to something as long as I just show up for myself. I know that it is so hard to motivate yourself when you don’t feel up to it but unless your body is telling you no (ie: you are sick or in pain) it’s always better to just try. So what if you fail, at least you tried. A majority of the time that I do this I leave the lesson, session, yoga class or whatever it may be feeling better than I did walking in.

I hope this helps get you started or solidify your plans to reach your goals. 2019 is already off to a weird start, thanks government shutdown, but that doesn’t mean that you have to cave in to the awful energy. Let me know if you have any goals this year and what your plan is to reach them. I cannot wait to watch us all grow together this year.

Resolutions

Setting my goals for 2019 has allowed me to reflect on the last four years and how much my life has changed. My first couple years as a fully functioning college graduate were exhausting. In 2015-2016 I had no idea what I was doing or how anyone got to the point where they did not dread going to work everyday. I had no idea what I enjoyed or even who I was. I did not physically or mentally recognize myself. So in late 2016 my cousin and I started this blog and I thought of the project as an adventure to find something that brought me joy. My blogging partner restructured her priorities early 2017 so I decided to keep the platform and use it as a way to keep myself accountable for my 2017 goals of love and creativity as well as write about whatever the fuck I felt like that week. I desperately needed structure and to focus on myself so as part of my new year’s resolution in 2017 I set myself monthly goals and documented them here.

Flash forward to today and I am in a much better place. I live in a city that I love, with the same boy that I love and our baby boy that we love obsessively (please don’t tell him he’s a dog, he has no idea!) I’m more confident (thank you Sarah Knight for the Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck), I’m capable of so much more love, and I am insanely grateful for the hard work I have put in to be in this happier and healthier position.

In 2018 I set myself the goals of exercising frequently (done), meditating daily (I still missed days throughout the year but I definitely solidified the habit), reading and writing more (highly recommend this goal to anyone who is a former bibliophile looking for some joy in their lives), and living at my own pace with intention (a work in progress but it triggered a lot of self reflection and growth). Last January I specifically set myself the goal of finding new doctors in the city and completing the YWA January yoga challenge. I am happy to report that I now have a doctor for every aspect of my life and I am ecstatic to begin another YWA January yoga challenge this Tuesday.

I spent the last part of this year ruminating in the growth. I cultivated for myself being grateful for all of my progress and now I am ready for fresh goals and new breakthroughs as well as maintaining my progress. Ready for my newest goals?

In 2019 I want to:

  • Be present and patient with myself and others.
  • Shut down my chronic imposter syndrome and self doubt.
  • Continue my self care through the gym, yummy food, yoga, and meditation.
  • Continue working on non-career related milestones like reading, writing, dancing, tumbling, and community service. (Please sound off in the comments or DM the insta with any suggestions on this!)
  • Learn conversational Spanish.

The last one may be ambitious but what’s life without a challenge! Are you ready for the new year? Leave some of your goals in the comments!

#AttitudeofGratitude

Phase one of quitting being judgymcjudgerson was to stop holding everyone to ridiculous standards. While I’m definitely still in the early stages of my perfectionist recovery program, I’ve seen some progress and I am ready to move to the next step. Phase two of dropping my judgymcjudgerson tendencies is to practice an attitude of gratitude.

I began adding gratitude in my self-care routine early last year in an attempt to add more joy in my life. My chosen techniques then were to 1) start keeping a gratitude journal, 2) meditate every day and 3) practice yoga as a form of gratitude towards my body. I didn’t keep the gratitude journal going for very long but I managed to make a habit out of the yoga and meditation.

This time I’ve decided to try to incorporate my gratitude into my everyday interactions. While the gratitude journal helped me turn my own mental state around it did not prevent me from being a judgy human. So instead I’m making a daily conscious effort to look at every disagreement or annoyance through a lense of loving kindness. I’m going to practice non-reactivity by thinking things through from the other person’s perspective before responding. I’m going to apply the below Fox Kids PSA as a reminder to stop, breathe and count to three before reacting. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrDV5Pw5Ny

I know it sounds too simple but our kindergarten teachers might have been on to something.

Another way I’ve already began trying to cultivate this attitude of gratitude is by doing Alo Yoga’s Seven Days of Gratitude on Youtube. Alo is a yoga clothing brand that makes the comfiest yoga clothes and some of the best intermediate to advanced yoga videos on Youtube. The difficult videos force me to be humble about my practice and grateful for how much my practice has grown.

I’m starting April by being grateful for my life, my strength and mother earth (it is earth month after all). Let me know what you are grateful for in the comments below!

The Plight of Perfection

Step one of dropping my judgymcjudgerson nature is coming to terms with the dangers of perfection. Perfection is a monster. The distant idea that perfection could be attainable if I did everything correctly has prevented me from starting creative projects. I wouldn’t dream of voicing my opinion in a meeting unless I know the idea is the best one in the room. Perfection has even prevented me from posting an instagram photo if I don’t have the perfect caption. Perfection has given me an excuse to be less productive. No one has the energy to give 110% to everything; why do anything if I’m not going to have the energy to do it right? The concept of perfection is toxic.  

Starting this blog was my first step in combating my perfectionist nature. I knew that by trying to write one blog post a week last year not all of them would be up to my standards, but I was still determined to create something once a week. My at home yoga practice is another place I have let perfection go. There is no perfect in yoga; the only right way to do something is yoga is to practice in a safe way. I’m now making a conscious effort to take this mentality off the page/mat. I’m going to allow myself to not only not be perfect but to occasionally be wrong.

Not Perfect
Accepting my imperfections has made me angsty.

I’m hoping by granting myself the permission to be wrong I will be able to look at others with the same compassion I am trying to give myself. I am not perfect and neither is anyone else. I don’t always know the backstory of why people are acting the way they do and I cannot expect anyone, including myself, to be perfect. By not allowing the concept of perfection or doing things right onto others hopefully I will cut back on being so judgy.

Perfect

My mantras for this mission are “everyone is doing the best they can with what they have right now” and “progress not perfection”. I’m hoping that by keeping these mantras in mind I can give others the space to be human and keep in mind that I don’t need to be so hard on myself (or anyone else).

So hello to you my imperfect reader! Let me know if you have any advice (outside of listening to Simple Plan’s “Perfect” on repeat) on letting go of perfection.

F Free February Discoveries

Recently I read, studied and applied Sarah Knight’s literary trilogy The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck, Get Your Shit Together and You Do You. I’m not one for self help books but these are my new bible(s). Sarah Knight is my hero/Jesus.

At the beginning of the month I decided to apply The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck to my everyday life. I followed Knight’s advice and I made lists of all the fucks I gave. My fuck lists filled multiple pages in my notebooks. MULTIPLE PAGES.  I then did as she told me and drew a line through any fuck I could afford to stop giving. It was LIBERATING.

Some of the things I stopped giving a fuck about were obsessing over informal emails,caring about what other people think, the concept of “getting ahead” in life, caring about what other people think, liking cool drinks, and caring about what other people think. Obviously I am still working on the not caring what other people think, but by not obsessing over it as much I was able to clear my mental clutter.  

Throwing away the mental clutter has allowed me to focus on things I enjoy like yoga, reading, online shopping and studying for an HR certification. Giving less fucks has allowed me to prioritize my life. I highly recommend giving less fucks to almost everyone.

While I am thoroughly enjoying my new lifestyle, not giving a fuck isn’t all fun and game. My new choices forced me to recognize that to not give a fuck is to ask people not to judge you, but if you ask people not to judge you it is best practice to not judge them. Because of this I am going to spend March reducing my judgey-ness and being nice.

How am I putting a stop on my naturally judgy mentality? No clue, my plan for now is to practice self awareness and give it my best shot. I am also going to put my best efforts into always being kind. Sounds kind of generic, I know, but I think that it will help me align my actions with my beliefs. Got any advice for me on this? Please leave me a comment if you do!

 

Starting Fresh & Following Through

I love first days. Whether its a first day of school, first day at a new job, or first time in workout classes, being a newbie is fun. Starting fresh feels good. A new start the ultimate moment for positivity and optimism. No one expects you to master anything on your first day- especially if you are trying something new. The honeymoon period in a new job, relationship or while forming a habit is amazing…unfortunately it can fade rather quickly.

This year, I have set myself a couple goals some tangible and some, like being braver, that are larger in concept than application. To avoid setting myself up for failure I am changing up my goal setting. I paid attention to what worked and didn’t work for myself last year and I want to continue with that. For example, I learned that I am horrible at taking on vague goals without a plan. I cannot simply state I want to get fitter and commit to it, I have to take baby steps. Last year I started by working out one day more a week at a time, then eating better and then trying new workouts. If I had gone cold turkey on my Dominos lifestyle I would have quit by February.

Another observation I made was that rigid goal setting does not work for me. I am fickle; I cannot commit to a Whole30 lifestyle or a work out every day gym routine. Rigid goals make me feel like every slip up is the end of the process. It’s easy to quit when I feel discouraged. To combat this I now set intentions. An example from last year is instead of telling myself that I am going to meditate everyday or else, I tell myself that I intend to meditate everyday. It feels less harsh to me and makes accomplishing my goal of meditating easier. I’m applying it to this year by setting the intention to opt outdoors for at least 30 minutes one day each weekend. It can be a hike, a run or a walk through an outdoor shopping center as long as I make it outside and move.

A third observation, that ties into setting intentions, is adjusting my approach to my goal when things don’t work for me. For example, in an ideal world I would wake up at 6:00 am every weekday and do my morning yoga and set my intentions for the day. Unfortunately, I am not a morning person. I’m horrible at sleeping which makes motivating myself to get up damn near impossible. Instead, of beating myself up for not getting up every morning, or not working out at all, I just adjusted my schedule so I can do my workouts in the evening. A morning cardio session isn’t going to happen most mornings and I’m okay with that. I’ve let it go.  

While the above are all important I believe the essential tactic to not quitting when things stop being shiny and new is finding the why. Instead of focusing on the result I am focusing on the reason. It’s easy to get discouraged when results don’t appear immediately but if I have a good why I stand a better chance of completing my goal. It doesn’t always make it easier but it helps remotivate me when I dwell on why I’m doing something instead of the task itself. That being said, if I don’t have a good reason why, I let it go.

Handstands

With the start of this new year I have started a new job, started a new workout schedule and moved to a new city. I’m relishing in this sweet honeymoon period but I’m also trying to prepare myself for the future. Commitment is hard.

Let me know what goals you’ve set for yourself and how you keep yourself accountable!

2017 Recap, 2018 Ready!

2017 was chaos. The hangover from the clusterfuck of the 2016 presidential election loomed over the first half of my year. I refused to let the commander in cheeto ruin my year completely, but boy did he try. I’ve decided to spin something positive out of it and have put upon myself a goal to practice gratitude and find the positives of 2017 in order to determine my 2018 goals.

I created healthy, well rounded habits in 2017. For my physical self I began exercising regularly, cooking more and not eating things that make me sick all the time (looking at you, gluten). I tried new fitness classes. I did barre, pilates, public yoga classes and I began lifting weights. I also let myself take rest days when I wanted and I occasionally went for the full gluten pizza (sorry tummy). I attempted balance and I made it my mission to get strong physically and mentally.

Emotionally, I dealt with the death of two grandparents, the emotional turmoil of being unsatisfied in my career and my post grad comedown. I let myself feel emotions instead of bottling them up. I refused to settle in my unsatisfactory work place and I got a new job in a new city that I started 1/2/2018. I simultaneously managed leaving my position to take this new opportunity, moving my life 300 miles north and spending Christmas with B’s family (before this year I have never spent Christmas away from my family). I managed my stress by practicing my yoga and mediation more than I have in previous years.

I took baby steps and set manageable goals. Most importantly I made it; and if you’re reading this you made it too.

I’ve come out of 2017 emotionally spent but still optimistic for the future. I took emotional strength inspiration from my fellow feminists. I ruminate on the power I felt watching coverage from the Women’s March. I have faith in the common decency of the US even if those in power are only working from a place of self interest. #MeToo brought to light that victims of assault are unfortunately common and will not hide in the shadows anymore. The anger and activism has brought a voice to women. I have learned so much about myself, my views on feminism and intersectional feminism. I’ve learned about the importance of amplifying the voices of those who are not heard. I put a lot of energy in improving myself in 2017 and I want to stay on the same path.

My goals for 2018 are a little abstract again. I want to do more of what makes me happy which includes exercising frequently, attempting a daily meditation, reading books and writing. I want to use my reading and writing to expand my vocabulary; my post grad verbiage is weak. I’m going to continue posting on this blog but I’m going to take it slower and not force myself to put something up when I don’t have honest inspiration. The world doesn’t need more pointless noise. I also want to manage my money better and start saving for future travels. I handled this decently while prepping for my big move but I know there is room for improvement. I want to continue facing my fears (like flying, driving on freeways and doing things that I’m not a natural at) and take every difficult task as an opportunity to grow instead of a road bump.

First things first; I’m going to build on my yoga. I’m doubling down on my 30 days of yoga challenge and I am participating in both Alo and Yoga with Adriene’s January challenges. I’m also setting myself the January goal of settling into my new city which includes finding a new doctor, optometrist and dentist. I’m going to test run a few gyms and snuggle into my new normal in my new city.

StockSnap_TVEUBLIOSK.jpgI’m starting 2018 filled with hope and excitement. I created change for myself in 2017 and I’m happier for it. Here’s to a significantly better, especially on the political front, 2018.

Happy New Year!

Finishing at My Own Pace

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated everyone on my goal of cultivating love and creativity this year. 2017 definitely threw some wrenches in my plan but I managed to meet so many of my goals this year.

I did not adhere to my monthly goals perfectly through 2017 but I learned what worked and what didn’t for me. I was able to sit back and watch how I react to a crazy workload, how I act when I am stressed to the gills and how I react to being underwhelmed.

I’ve learned that a once a week posting schedule may sound simple but it is still a lot of writing. With all that happened this year I had to learn to go easier on myself. I let myself fail, take a couple weeks or even a month off and the best part is that I was okay. Not conquering everything the way I intended to did not kill me (crazy, right?)

1197079A lot of growing feels like failing. It is learning what works for you and what does not.

My mantra for this year has been “just because it does not work for you does not make it wrong”. By removing the emotion from what works for me and what doesn’t I was able to look at things in a more loving way.

I realized that the most important part of cultivating love was having it to give.

I’m spending the last month of 2017 healing from a surgery and getting ready for a big change. I figured out that my current position was no longer serving me and it is time for a change of scenery. Letting go of what does not serve me and moving on to something better is the biggest act of self-love. Because of this B and I are relocating to the bay!

With all of this change rapidly approaching my only goal for December is to continue getting comfortable with my self-love and the channel my creativity into something fun, decorating my new living space. After the rapid changes of 2017 I’m ready to slow down.

See you in 2018 with my new goals.