Let’s debunk some mindset myths.*A note on mindset before we begin; mindset is an amazing and helpful tool but if we don’t take aligned action it’s just thoughts. Make sure you do the mindset work AND take action.
This week we are going to dig into the new year with new mindset myths that we think will empower us but actually hold us back. Mindset myths are out there trying to convince us to play small, to be a participant in the hamster wheel of toxic positivity and that success is just one more checkbox away.
As a coach I see these pop up online and with my clients. In my practice it is essential that we work through these myths. Identifying where these are wrong and how we can build a more empowering mindset philosophy will help us on our journey to identifying what we want to do and how to get there.
Mindset Myth #1: Failure = Bad
Failure is somewhat taboo. No one really likes admitting they were wrong. As a society we have made failure into a negative. Our obsession with not failing can push us over the edge. When we let our ego take over and refuse to admit that things aren’t going to plan we dig in deeper and make our mistake have a much larger impact than necessary. This mindset does not serve us when we are trying something new.
In my personal life I’m someone who learns best by f*cking up. If I go for something, I get my hands messy, commit to it & then things go sideways. I may feel like a failure temporarily but after I reflect I learn A LOT more than if things went well right off the bat. Smooth waters never made a good sailor rings true in my life.
Failure happens, mistakes get made, and in the moment it can feel like sh*t. What we do with that failure is what matters. If we can recognize failure when it pops up, see it as a sign to pivot and not associate with feeling bad about ourselves we can adapt, adjust and rebuild. That adaptability is what self development is all about.
Mindset Myth #2: A positive mindset is the only way to achieve success
The idea that we are one mindset shift away from being Bill Gates is absolute BS. You are not Bill Gates, you will never be Bill Gates, you are YOU! So many successful people have negative mindsets (hence why they hoard wealth) and so many positive people are struggling. Your current situation is not JUST a result of your mindset and if anyone tries to package and sell that to you they are full of sh*t.
The toxic positivity around mindset work infuriates me. It takes an inkling of truth and turns it into a philosophy. A positive mindset is a wonderful tool, it helps us look for solutions instead of wallowing, it helps us find the magic in the mundane, it can keep us afloat while we search for the right job, relationship or situation. It is not a ferry to your goals – it’s water wingies for when you fall in the water.
Your water wingies of positivity help you stay afloat. But you have to see the negatives, the hard stuff, the failures (see myth 1) if you want to grow. If we view our goals SOLELY through rose colored glasses we are going to miss the red flags. You deserve to achieve your goals in a way that is authentic to your human experience – don’t dim it down under the guise of “good vibes only”.
Mindset Myth #3: I will be happy when I accomplish my goals...
Our final mindset myth is the illusive “I’ll be happy when…” Delaying our happiness by tying it to our success is a recipe for frustration. With this mindset we give in to hustle culture. We let our output determine our worth. We tell ourselves really pretty lies like “I’ll be happier when I am successful” or “My success is just around the corner”.
Instead of giving in to the hunt we need to learn to be present. I’m a big proponent of practicing mindfulness. Finding ways to find happiness or joy or fulfilment in the moment we are in. Be here now. Find the real moments now. Happiness is not something to chase in the future – it’s something to look for in the now.
Mindfulness and being present can range from meditation (classic kind or moving meditation like yoga or dance), simply looking around the room for something that makes you smile or checking in with our body or heart to see where things come up and where we can heal.
Happiness isn’t something to delay – it’s something to seek right now.
To Wrap Things Up
There are a LOT of mindset myths out there. These myths convince us to play small, gaslight ourselves and delay joy. In 2021 I’m encouraging you to call out the bs, to recognize the signs of mindset myths and toxic positivity and to ask for help if you want it.
As a way to help more people in 2021 I’ve added some new coaching sessions to my services page. Discovery calls are always free. Let’s align your mindset with action and make a plan to make 2021 work for you.
** please do not use this post to replace mental or physical health care from a physician. Always work with a licensed professional when it comes to your health.