A Lack of Self-Confidence


This week in my vlog I chatted about self-sabotage and how it stems from a lack of self-confidence! I shared my journey with self-sabotage and self-confidence in my life, career and my business. The video is embedded below.

Let’s chat confidence!

When I first started the coaching branch of my business, I struggled with confidence. I had the fear of judgement, fear of failure around me and I held a lot of resistance against getting to do something I actually enjoyed because I had this weird belief that everything in life had to be inconvenient and hard. This lack based mindset created a really slow start to a really exciting new part of my business. Lack based thinking also made me think that I needed to play small to be palatable and that I needed to keep my opinions to myself (which we all know is almost impossible for me and incredibly inauthentic).

Now that I am a lot stronger in the confidence department I thought it would be illuminating to share with you some of the ways I played small and sabotaged my growth due to a lack of self-confidence. 

Starting a Business During a Pandemic while Building Self-confidence

The first issue I created for myself was pacing. I took my sweet sweet time getting started because I was SCARED. Outside of things I couldn’t control like receiving my paperwork from the county, I kept myself small and slow when it came to selling. I did not want to inconvenience people I knew with my business….which is a horrible way to run a business. I was terrified of asking people to buy, saying the wrong thing or being perceived as pushy. To get over this confidence block I had to get consistent about selling and practice practice practice. I am happy to say that now that I have confidence in myself and what I offer I love selling. I truly embodied my confidence and that has not only allowed me to sell but it has also enabled me to be a better coach. 

Let’s revisit the drama of starting my business

Quitting Before I Started

Another way I self-sabotage is by quitting before I start. An example of this is gardening. When I first decided to buy plants for my patio I took the advice of my friends and family and bought some pretty annuals. I murdered those plants within weeks. At this point I looked at my patio and thought “maybe I just can’t have a pretty patio garden like other people”…this was a wildly over dramatic reaction to “failing” once. “I can’t” is a self-development enemy. By telling ourselves we can’t do something we have already decided that we will never be successful so why give it our all. I am happy to report that my very dramatic self got over her fear of being a patio plant failure and now has a moderately robust garden. Don’t quit after a set back, friends! 

Lofty Goals can Allude to a Lack Self-confidence

For my final example of self-sabotage I’m going to talk about lofty goals. When we set inordinately hard, high or unrealistic goals we are self-sabotaging under the guise of believing in ourselves. BIG BIG GOALS are good; they are important and they motivate us. Setting an unachievable  timeline to achieve those goals makes us feel ungrateful for what we do accomplish because we can’t get to the desired end result. I think that setting big goals is good but asking ourselves to be overnight successes is not. We cannot hold ourselves to rapid growth and when we do we are setting ourselves up for failure. 

Asking for overnight change also tells us that we don’t trust or believe in the person we are now. By setting a goal to be a completely different person overnight we tell ourselves that we don’t trust ourselves to get there if it takes longer, that we don’t love or trust the person we are right now and that the person we are right now is not capable of the end result we want. We have to set the individual goals first that’ll get us to that larger accomplishment.

Finding the confidence to love who you are right now and trusting yourself to get to your goal is where the magic happens. For me, the moment my mindset shifted to self-trust and self-confidence I was able to start selling confidently, build products that help people and I stopped worrying how my content was going to be perceived. I gave up on trying to live up to someone else’s definition of success and found a way to live up to my own version. 

Let’s Build Self-Confidence

I hope this motivates you to embody more confidence in your life and prioritize confidence in your personal development. If you want a little help getting started check out my confidence building journal and sign up for a free discovery call – let’s see if my coaching and confidence methods are right for you!

Confidence Journal: 35 Days To A More Confident You

confidence journal image

“Confidence is like a muscle, we all have it, we all can build it. For some of us the confidence muscles will build easily and for others it will take a little more work – life is unfair like that sometimes.” – An excerpt from my Confidence Building Journal

I am elated to present to you my newest creation, a confidence building journal titled “Confidence Building Journal: 35 Days to a More Confident You”. This journal is available as a Kindle eBook or a paperback journal. 

Use this journal to build your confidence by defining confidence for yourself, identifying what embodying confidence looks like for you and by helping you build a steady journaling practice. The prompts are there to guide you through the journey but the route is customized by you. 

I created this journal partially out of spite (you can learn a bit more about where the idea to self-publish it came from in the video below) but my true motivator was to make coaching more accessible to more people. 

As someone who has benefitted from 1:1 coaching I know how hard it can be to find the time and money to actually invest in this so I wanted to create a stepping stone to 1:1 coaching. This program is not a replacement for customized care but it is an excellent tool to get you on your way to a more confident place! 

I focused this journal on confidence because confidence is key in our careers, day to day lives and relationships. It is important to me that people feel empowered by their daily decisions and have the strength to speak up when it matters. 

That being said I hope you enjoy the journal and I cannot wait to hear about your confidence journey! You can purchase the journal here.

And if you want to use the journal to jumpstart your 1:1 coaching schedule your discovery call here. All monthly coaching members can receive the journal free of charge with a paid monthly membership

How to Harness Bravery

“To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, making you everybody else–means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” — E.E. Cummings

If you had told me a couple years ago I would be writing a blog post about how I access and harness bravery I would have laughed, timidly, in your face. 

Bravery and I have had an ebb and flow relationship. I was an opinionated child, a loudly opinionated teen, a squashed into submission sorority girl, a rebel without a cause post grad and then part of the corporate world petrified of making the wrong move. 

In my early adult life I went through periods of authenticity and rekindled my bravery only to let that light slowly go back out because I hadn’t truly identified who I was or what I wanted. But over the last year I rediscovered what it meant to be me and how to use my authentic self, my inner truth, to harness the courage to be myself. Here’s how I did it. 

Identify Who You Are and What You Want – Authenticity

It all boils down to authenticity. Authenticity requires self awareness, vulnerability and the key ingredient of bravery

How do we get to a spot where we are brave enough to be ourselves? Well, to start, we love the shit out of ourselves. I’ve shared videos on harnessing self love and the importance it plays in being our authentic selves.  

When we truly love ourselves the power other people have over us reduces significantly. But then what? 

We still have to be brave. 

Can’t miss an opportunity to include a Disney reference

What is Bravery? 

Bravery is doing something that you know is right for you even if it scares the shit out of you. Facing myself, who I was and what I wanted forced me to muster up courage. It’s so hard to get to know ourselves if we are afraid of what we might find which is why self love is so important. 

For me, bravery was identifying my fears, getting to know them and still doing the things that scared me because I knew they were authentic for me. My most recent example of bravery was making the jump to this career path full-time. Being self employed is unpredictable, we are continually told that we are in unprecedented times, and what if’s were abundant amongst my friends, family and myself. In the end, I know this is the right path for me for now, so I jumped because this is what is authentic to me. 

Bravery is not being different or contrarian for the sake of being difficult. Feeling special or unique is super important to most of us but we have to do it from an honest place. Your authenticity is your power so wield it wisely and don’t use it to hurt anyone else. 

Now that we have defined what bravery is and is not let’s talk about how to access it. 


One of my favorite ways to call in bravery is to literally tell myself that I’m brave. I look myself in the eye in my mirror and tell myself “I am brave” or “I am courageous”.

It sounds silly but I promise the more you say it the more you will start to believe it. 

If vague terms are not your jam feel free to get specific with it. For example if your fear is public speaking your affirmation can be “I am a skilled and confident orator” or “I am an excellent public speaker and I find ease in getting my point across”. 

Keep saying it until you believe it. Courage is a mindset. 

Get to Know and Own Your Fears

What’s stopping you from doing what you want or being who you want? What’s so scary about it? 

“What if’s” are often a lot scarier than the real outcome but if it makes you feel better play out the worst case scenario and see what happens.  

* Depending on the answers to this it may be time to work with a mental health professional to overcome some of these fears – especially if they are based on previous events in your life. My personal advice on this is to always work with someone who specializes in the subject you are struggling with. 

Bravery is being nervous or scared and doing what resonates anyway. It’s ok to be afraid – you’re growing! You can acknowledge the fear and still keep going. 

Just Jump

You know your fear – it’s right in your face. Now you just have to do it. If you can always try to do the hard thing first. 

In my experience, once you start being brave it’s a lot easier to keep going. It’s going to be scary – do it anyway. If it will help have someone support you on your jump. Ask someone to hold you accountable to it and ask them to remind you of your why.  

Celebrate Your Bravery

Once you’ve done it, even if it was awful – CELEBRATE. You made a move. You did the thing! Even if you totally stunk it up you tried something new!

This is how I went about harnessing my bravery and turning it into a tool for success. A word of warning – bravery is not a one way street. I’ve had moments of panic, loss of courage, and self doubt trickle in OFTEN but I just kept coming back to my authenticity and my truth. 

If you need help identifying your wants so you can turn bravery into your super power reach out for a 1×1 session! butreallythocoaching@gmail.com 

*I am not a therapist or licensed medical professional. This does not replace the advice of a certified medical professional. Always work with a legitimate professional when it comes to your health. 

July/August Recap & September Confidence

In June, I kept near my goals but fell off my routine a couple times (my morning workouts got moved to afternoon, I did not listen to others or my body well and battled my brain for control of my life). I was in desperate need of an emotional and physical reset. After working my ass off to get back to my regular schedule this August I’ve decided that I should accompany this reset with some confidence.

I’m going to get back into daily meditation. In June, I got lazy about my regular practice and my mental health suffered. I was easily triggered, not a good look for someone who works in HR. Through the latter half August I’ve gotten back into yoga and meditation and it’s really helped me keep my cool.

I’ve decided it’s time to make my workouts harder. I’ve decided to bump up one of my 3 mile runs to 4-6 depending on the week.I plan to wake up on time so I can stretch before I run to prevent injuries from flaring up. I also have started going to a public yoga class instead of only doing yoga at home. I even bought B and I 5 class passes for a nearby studio (it is easier for me to stick with something if I have a partner). So far we are loving it there! B was even told that he had a “beautiful practice”. He’s been on cloud 9 since. I am also going to continue incorporating new equipment and heavier weights into my workout. I’ve really started to fall in love with lifting. I think weight training has brought back some of the confidence I had when I was a dancer. I love being in awe of my own body’s capabilities.

I’m going to have confidence in my writing abilities. It doesn’t matter how creative I am if I am too afraid to write anything to share. I’m going to take control of my craft. I’ve been lazy with my writing lately but I am going to use my confidence in myself to really channel my emotions and create.

I’m going to take my confidence into the workplace. Asking for the resources I need. Contributing ideas with confidence. I am going to start taking complete control of my career. I’m going to be cautious about riding the line between confident and cocky.  

Being confident in myself is definitely going to lead me to my goal of love for the year and hopefully it will help me channel more creativity.

My end of summertime burnout is still here but I’m not going to let it stop me from trying to find love and creativity this year. I want to find confidence in my self love. I’ve been struggling with presenting myself with pride, confidence is definitely an act of self love.