This week in my vlog I chatted about self-sabotage and how it stems from a lack of self-confidence! I shared my journey with self-sabotage and self-confidence in my life, career and my business. The video is embedded below.
When I first started the coaching branch of my business, I struggled with confidence. I had the fear of judgement, fear of failure around me and I held a lot of resistance against getting to do something I actually enjoyed because I had this weird belief that everything in life had to be inconvenient and hard. This lack based mindset created a really slow start to a really exciting new part of my business. Lack based thinking also made me think that I needed to play small to be palatable and that I needed to keep my opinions to myself (which we all know is almost impossible for me and incredibly inauthentic).
Now that I am a lot stronger in the confidence department I thought it would be illuminating to share with you some of the ways I played small and sabotaged my growth due to a lack of self-confidence.
Starting a Business During a Pandemic while Building Self-confidence
The first issue I created for myself was pacing. I took my sweet sweet time getting started because I was SCARED. Outside of things I couldn’t control like receiving my paperwork from the county, I kept myself small and slow when it came to selling. I did not want to inconvenience people I knew with my business….which is a horrible way to run a business. I was terrified of asking people to buy, saying the wrong thing or being perceived as pushy. To get over this confidence block I had to get consistent about selling and practice practice practice. I am happy to say that now that I have confidence in myself and what I offer I love selling. I truly embodied my confidence and that has not only allowed me to sell but it has also enabled me to be a better coach.
Quitting Before I Started
Another way I self-sabotage is by quitting before I start. An example of this is gardening. When I first decided to buy plants for my patio I took the advice of my friends and family and bought some pretty annuals. I murdered those plants within weeks. At this point I looked at my patio and thought “maybe I just can’t have a pretty patio garden like other people”…this was a wildly over dramatic reaction to “failing” once. “I can’t” is a self-development enemy. By telling ourselves we can’t do something we have already decided that we will never be successful so why give it our all. I am happy to report that my very dramatic self got over her fear of being a patio plant failure and now has a moderately robust garden. Don’t quit after a set back, friends!
Lofty Goals can Allude to a Lack Self-confidence
For my final example of self-sabotage I’m going to talk about lofty goals. When we set inordinately hard, high or unrealistic goals we are self-sabotaging under the guise of believing in ourselves. BIG BIG GOALS are good; they are important and they motivate us. Setting an unachievable timeline to achieve those goals makes us feel ungrateful for what we do accomplish because we can’t get to the desired end result. I think that setting big goals is good but asking ourselves to be overnight successes is not. We cannot hold ourselves to rapid growth and when we do we are setting ourselves up for failure.
Asking for overnight change also tells us that we don’t trust or believe in the person we are now. By setting a goal to be a completely different person overnight we tell ourselves that we don’t trust ourselves to get there if it takes longer, that we don’t love or trust the person we are right now and that the person we are right now is not capable of the end result we want. We have to set the individual goals first that’ll get us to that larger accomplishment.
Finding the confidence to love who you are right now and trusting yourself to get to your goal is where the magic happens. For me, the moment my mindset shifted to self-trust and self-confidence I was able to start selling confidently, build products that help people and I stopped worrying how my content was going to be perceived. I gave up on trying to live up to someone else’s definition of success and found a way to live up to my own version.
Let’s Build Self-Confidence
I hope this motivates you to embody more confidence in your life and prioritize confidence in your personal development. If you want a little help getting started check out my confidence building journal and sign up for a free discovery call – let’s see if my coaching and confidence methods are right for you!