How to Ask for what YOU Want this Year

what do you want

Ready for your first tip of 2021? 

2021 is the year that we are going to ask for what we want! So tell me, what do you want?

Semi easy in concept but when we really start thinking about it, identifying what we want and why we want it can get messy. Do we really want to run a marathon or do we just like the idea of having run a marathon? Do we really want to be a millionaire or do we just want to not worry about money? Are we sure we want to be a doctor or are we just assuming we want to because it’s the only career we have ever considered?

When we start asking ourselves what we ACTUALLY want things get messy. But if we don’t take the time to check in on what we want we may end up with regret about how we spent our short time on this rock. Sure we might run the marathon but if we hate every moment of it what was the point? What were we really looking for from that experience? Can we quit halfway to our goal? 

Sometimes choosing our goals can feel high stakes. Never fear, I’m here to help you make this a little easier on yourself!

It is NOT Ungrateful to Want More 

First, we must be able to let ourselves want! Allowing ourselves to desire can be hard especially since we have spent the majority of our lives being told that we should be grateful for what we have. Gratitude is wonderful, it has a purpose, it is well meaning but we have to be able to be grateful AND desire more at the same time. If not, we may end up stagnant. 

Being demanding, wanting more and having the confidence to ask for it is not ungrateful. Ignore the bs from society telling you to play small. You can be grateful and want more. In fact, I recommend that you be grateful and want more. 

Make a List 

Now that you have let yourself want it’s time to make a list. Just like Santa… but this list is just for you. Literally, no shame, no judgment, no realistic outlooks required. Just a list of whatever you want!

This includes everything from your dream career, home, whatever you want. You can niche this down if you are specifically looking for guidance in your career or you can leave it wide open. Think of anything and everything that you believe would support you or make you happy. Begin asking yourself why you want things as you write them down but don’t overthink it. 

Throw Anything You “Should” Want Away 

After you have that list ready to go it’s time to look it over for any “shoulds”. If you’ve been here for a while you know how I feel about should-ing ourselves. I hate it.

Removing should’s varies by person but one of the ways I do it is to check in with my guts. Instead of getting in my head about the items on my list I start asking myself how my heart feels about the goal. Am I excited? Are there happy butterflies in my stomach? Am I nauseous because it seems like something that will take a lot of work? Does that end goal excite me enough to work through it? 

Be honest with yourself. It is your life. At the end of the day you are the only one who has to look back on what you’ve done and live with the choices. I promise that the authenticity that may be really hard in the moment will pay off in the end. 

Imagine the End Result

After we remove our should’s it’s time to imagine the end result of what we want. Some key questions to ask ourselves: 

How do you feel and what does it look like? The answer to this is going to help you stay motivated. 

Does the end result include expectations that are not connected to items on your list? 

Remove or add items as needed.

Finalize that List

Write up that final list of what you want. All of it. From the career changes to the healthy habits to anything and everything in between. Once you have your list finalized it’s time to pick a goal or two to start working towards. 

Make a Plan 

Finally, now that you know what you want it’s time to start making a plan. May I recommend this blog post about goal setting to get you started? 

Remember, goal setting is fun, change is exciting and going for what we want can be rewarding and HARD. If you get stuck, need help, get lost or just need someone to chat out your next steps with you please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to help! Discovery calls are always free. I have some 1:1 monthly coaching spots available and if you need something to work on with your own time check out my in depth goal setting and planning program called WDYW

Ready to go for those goals? I’m so excited to watch you succeed! 

** please do not use this post to replace mental or physical health care from a physician. Always work with a licensed professional when it comes to your health. 

New Year, Same Witch

new year

Happy New Year!! We have made it, it is the last day of 2020. Congrats! You did it! I’m so proud of you!

First, let’s chat some New Year New You reminders:

  • The pandemic isn’t over just because you are over it
  • 2020 was A LOT so be really f*cking nice to yourself this year
  • You are so much more than what you do for a living (I’ve got a blog & video all about this subject – go check it out if you need a reminder)
  • Whatever you accomplished in 2020 was MORE THAN ENOUGH (mentally & physically living through a pandemic is bad*ss).
  • YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SET GOALS THIS WEEK
  • If you set 2021 goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them remember to be flexible. 2020 taught us the importance of being able to pivot, delay, slow down & adapt.
  • You do not have to start your goals on 1/1 – you can start making changes in your life on any day, at any time, regardless of the date or time of year. 

Now that we have covered our reminders let’s chat goals. If you’re going the goal setting route I encourage you to take a week or two to get settled into 2021 before you start jumping into action. Rest is crucial for our success. Going into a new plan on the verge of burnout creates unnecessary stress in our lives. 

So rest. 

And if you think you’ve rested enough ask yourself why you think that. 

Is it because you believe productivity is equal to worth? Noodle on that one for me. 

Could it be because you don’t find rest very “restful”? Example: I struggle with sitting still. Sometimes rest for me is moving my body gently to rest my mind. 

Or is it because you are a self care queen & you are able to keep your cup full? 

Don’t push yourself this year. Hustle culture has taught us to push, go, chase, strive & sometimes we need to ignore this impulse. Take a little time, think about what you want & try to detox from hustle culture. Use your PTO (if you’ve been ignoring it) to take a time out. 

Start your goals when you’re rested. 

I’ll be back with a new post about goal setting on January 6th! Until then, rest, be well & be proud of yourself for getting through the year. 

*100% already rested & ready to start goal setting? Sign up for a free coaching discovery call – let’s create a sustainable plan to your goals. Link to schedule your call here

Resolutions

Setting my goals for 2019 has allowed me to reflect on the last four years and how much my life has changed. My first couple years as a fully functioning college graduate were exhausting. In 2015-2016 I had no idea what I was doing or how anyone got to the point where they did not dread going to work everyday. I had no idea what I enjoyed or even who I was. I did not physically or mentally recognize myself. So in late 2016 my cousin and I started this blog and I thought of the project as an adventure to find something that brought me joy. My blogging partner restructured her priorities early 2017 so I decided to keep the platform and use it as a way to keep myself accountable for my 2017 goals of love and creativity as well as write about whatever the fuck I felt like that week. I desperately needed structure and to focus on myself so as part of my new year’s resolution in 2017 I set myself monthly goals and documented them here.

Flash forward to today and I am in a much better place. I live in a city that I love, with the same boy that I love and our baby boy that we love obsessively (please don’t tell him he’s a dog, he has no idea!) I’m more confident (thank you Sarah Knight for the Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck), I’m capable of so much more love, and I am insanely grateful for the hard work I have put in to be in this happier and healthier position.

In 2018 I set myself the goals of exercising frequently (done), meditating daily (I still missed days throughout the year but I definitely solidified the habit), reading and writing more (highly recommend this goal to anyone who is a former bibliophile looking for some joy in their lives), and living at my own pace with intention (a work in progress but it triggered a lot of self reflection and growth). Last January I specifically set myself the goal of finding new doctors in the city and completing the YWA January yoga challenge. I am happy to report that I now have a doctor for every aspect of my life and I am ecstatic to begin another YWA January yoga challenge this Tuesday.

I spent the last part of this year ruminating in the growth. I cultivated for myself being grateful for all of my progress and now I am ready for fresh goals and new breakthroughs as well as maintaining my progress. Ready for my newest goals?

In 2019 I want to:

  • Be present and patient with myself and others.
  • Shut down my chronic imposter syndrome and self doubt.
  • Continue my self care through the gym, yummy food, yoga, and meditation.
  • Continue working on non-career related milestones like reading, writing, dancing, tumbling, and community service. (Please sound off in the comments or DM the insta with any suggestions on this!)
  • Learn conversational Spanish.

The last one may be ambitious but what’s life without a challenge! Are you ready for the new year? Leave some of your goals in the comments!

Why I Blog & Reaching my Goals

I decided to start this blog with Kate last year and after months of prep and page designing we made it live. Originally, I blogged to make Kate laugh but now I blog to keep myself going with my goals (and hopefully still make Kate laugh).

A huge motivator for my consistency with this blog is keeping me honest about my progress of my goals this year. Truth be told, if I wasn’t sharing all of this information on the internet there is no way I would have ever started my morning routine that I do with B. I would still be BFF’s with Dominos and my flirtations with Taco Bell would be beyond mild.

I also happen to find this process of writing, editing and posting really fun, but without my monthly goals as motivation I don’t think I would have been as consistent as I have been. Lately I’ve been thinking more about why I decided to take this route and what I have learned on my goal setting journey. I wanted to share some of my goal setting tips, successes and failures with you.

StockSnap_TBJ9OPDGMK
My to-do lists never look this organized
First thing I want to address is why I took this to the internet. Sure, in January I could have written down my goals like everyone else and told myself I was going to work on my love and creativity but I’ve been down that road before and it’s never ended well. I needed adult supervision, but I was the adult..so my inner Rory came out and I made a list of ways to be accountable. Sharing everything online seemed like the easiest and blogging about it seemed like the ideal way to keep my Facebook friends from hating me. By spending the time each month to write about what I have done and plan to do I’m force to keep myself accountable.

Another key factor is “the rules are there ain’t no rules” (Grease for all those who live under a damn rock). I set guidelines instead. It is so easy to derail if you are counting every mistake as a failure instead of an opportunity to reroute. I always try to remind my perfectionist brain that it is “progress not perfection”.  This is another action that is easier said than done but I think a healthy relationship with meditation is key for this. The guided meditations that I do always remind me to come back to this moment, bring myself back in from where my thoughts trickled off to. Mistakes happen, life happens, sometimes you fall completely off your morning routine for a week or two…it doesn’t mean you can’t get back into it and it doesn’t mean you have failed your goals.

 I also decided to break the process down month by month. I prefer concise instructions in my life so I needed to give them to myself. This has been essential to my success. Instead of throwing the broad goal of creativity at myself with no guidance I break down the process to love and creativity. It is very easy to say I am going to treat everyone around me with loving kindness but without breaking it down how am I going to practice it? My monthly goals allow me to focus all of my attention on forming a healthy habit (which takes 21 days) and to then try to integrate it into the rest of my life.

 The ability to refocus my goals every month has been a HUGE help to getting where I am. At the end of every month I think over everything I’ve accomplished and rework my goals for the next month so that I am continuing down the path I want to be on. When I feel like I’m not making fast enough progress I stop and review everything I’ve done.

For example, I wanted to grow in creativity in movement and be confident about it in May and by the end of the month (and with a lot of help from Kate) I have conquered the headstand…my biggest yoga fear! Now that I know I can do this move without breaking my neck for June I can take the confidence from mastering this pose to the next move I want to add to my yoga tool kit or into my work/personal life off the mat.

This blog has given me an outlet to celebrate my victories each month. In January I did yoga everyday, in March I started running in the mornings, in April I spent more time with myself, making my current habits permanent and evaluating what I wanted out of this process and now in May I have begun truly working on my creativity. I’m beyond excited to see where my life will take me with this .

What’s my professional (Read: Amateur) advice on goal setting? Make your goals achievable and if they seem to hard, just change them don’t quit on them.

Do not try to start in the middle, this will not work and you will burn out or get discouraged.

Make your goals fun (coloring and yoga are fun af). Always reward yourself for getting shit done and getting closer to your goal (that’s my excuse for spending too much money on workout clothes and shoes).

If you need someone to celebrate your victories with you, big or small, I’m here.