what do you want

How to Ask for what YOU Want this Year

Ready for your first tip of 2021? 

2021 is the year that we are going to ask for what we want! So tell me, what do you want?

Semi easy in concept but when we really start thinking about it, identifying what we want and why we want it can get messy. Do we really want to run a marathon or do we just like the idea of having run a marathon? Do we really want to be a millionaire or do we just want to not worry about money? Are we sure we want to be a doctor or are we just assuming we want to because it’s the only career we have ever considered?

When we start asking ourselves what we ACTUALLY want things get messy. But if we don’t take the time to check in on what we want we may end up with regret about how we spent our short time on this rock. Sure we might run the marathon but if we hate every moment of it what was the point? What were we really looking for from that experience? Can we quit halfway to our goal? 

Sometimes choosing our goals can feel high stakes. Never fear, I’m here to help you make this a little easier on yourself!

It is NOT Ungrateful to Want More 

First, we must be able to let ourselves want! Allowing ourselves to desire can be hard especially since we have spent the majority of our lives being told that we should be grateful for what we have. Gratitude is wonderful, it has a purpose, it is well meaning but we have to be able to be grateful AND desire more at the same time. If not, we may end up stagnant. 

Being demanding, wanting more and having the confidence to ask for it is not ungrateful. Ignore the bs from society telling you to play small. You can be grateful and want more. In fact, I recommend that you be grateful and want more. 

Make a List 

Now that you have let yourself want it’s time to make a list. Just like Santa… but this list is just for you. Literally, no shame, no judgment, no realistic outlooks required. Just a list of whatever you want!

This includes everything from your dream career, home, whatever you want. You can niche this down if you are specifically looking for guidance in your career or you can leave it wide open. Think of anything and everything that you believe would support you or make you happy. Begin asking yourself why you want things as you write them down but don’t overthink it. 

Throw Anything You “Should” Want Away 

After you have that list ready to go it’s time to look it over for any “shoulds”. If you’ve been here for a while you know how I feel about should-ing ourselves. I hate it.

Removing should’s varies by person but one of the ways I do it is to check in with my guts. Instead of getting in my head about the items on my list I start asking myself how my heart feels about the goal. Am I excited? Are there happy butterflies in my stomach? Am I nauseous because it seems like something that will take a lot of work? Does that end goal excite me enough to work through it? 

Be honest with yourself. It is your life. At the end of the day you are the only one who has to look back on what you’ve done and live with the choices. I promise that the authenticity that may be really hard in the moment will pay off in the end. 

Imagine the End Result

After we remove our should’s it’s time to imagine the end result of what we want. Some key questions to ask ourselves: 

How do you feel and what does it look like? The answer to this is going to help you stay motivated. 

Does the end result include expectations that are not connected to items on your list? 

Remove or add items as needed.

Finalize that List

Write up that final list of what you want. All of it. From the career changes to the healthy habits to anything and everything in between. Once you have your list finalized it’s time to pick a goal or two to start working towards. 

Make a Plan 

Finally, now that you know what you want it’s time to start making a plan. May I recommend this blog post about goal setting to get you started? 

Remember, goal setting is fun, change is exciting and going for what we want can be rewarding and HARD. If you get stuck, need help, get lost or just need someone to chat out your next steps with you please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to help! Discovery calls are always free. I have some 1:1 monthly coaching spots available and if you need something to work on with your own time check out my in depth goal setting and planning program called WDYW

Ready to go for those goals? I’m so excited to watch you succeed! 

** please do not use this post to replace mental or physical health care from a physician. Always work with a licensed professional when it comes to your health. 

new year

New Year, Same Witch

Happy New Year!! We have made it, it is the last day of 2020. Congrats! You did it! I’m so proud of you!

First, let’s chat some New Year New You reminders:

  • The pandemic isn’t over just because you are over it
  • 2020 was A LOT so be really f*cking nice to yourself this year
  • You are so much more than what you do for a living (I’ve got a blog & video all about this subject – go check it out if you need a reminder)
  • Whatever you accomplished in 2020 was MORE THAN ENOUGH (mentally & physically living through a pandemic is bad*ss).
  • YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SET GOALS THIS WEEK
  • If you set 2021 goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them remember to be flexible. 2020 taught us the importance of being able to pivot, delay, slow down & adapt.
  • You do not have to start your goals on 1/1 – you can start making changes in your life on any day, at any time, regardless of the date or time of year. 

Now that we have covered our reminders let’s chat goals. If you’re going the goal setting route I encourage you to take a week or two to get settled into 2021 before you start jumping into action. Rest is crucial for our success. Going into a new plan on the verge of burnout creates unnecessary stress in our lives. 

So rest. 

And if you think you’ve rested enough ask yourself why you think that. 

Is it because you believe productivity is equal to worth? Noodle on that one for me. 

Could it be because you don’t find rest very “restful”? Example: I struggle with sitting still. Sometimes rest for me is moving my body gently to rest my mind. 

Or is it because you are a self care queen & you are able to keep your cup full? 

Don’t push yourself this year. Hustle culture has taught us to push, go, chase, strive & sometimes we need to ignore this impulse. Take a little time, think about what you want & try to detox from hustle culture. Use your PTO (if you’ve been ignoring it) to take a time out. 

Start your goals when you’re rested. 

I’ll be back with a new post about goal setting on January 6th! Until then, rest, be well & be proud of yourself for getting through the year. 

*100% already rested & ready to start goal setting? Sign up for a free coaching discovery call – let’s create a sustainable plan to your goals. Link to schedule your call here

thank you grateful for all of you

Grateful For You Sale

I’m so grateful for all of you! I’m definitely going into Thanksgiving with a little extra gratitude in my heart this year. 

I’m assuming I am not alone in saying that this year did not go the way I planned it. Things were shaken up in ways I couldn’t have possibly imagined – it was absolutely terrifying and absolutely thrilling. 

Although starting a business during a pandemic hasn’t been the easiest thing I’ve done – it’s quickly become the most rewarding. I made a commitment to myself this year. Major choices and changes were made and I’m so grateful for all the love and support I’ve received through this process. My change management skills have never been more crucial and due to that they have also never been more honed in than they are right now. Which is why I want to help you jumpstart change before we go into 2021. 

Agent of Change 

Lasting change does not usually happen over night (need proof? Watch my new video over on my Youtube about building a new morning & bedtime routine). It takes time, effort, consistency and a lot of flexibility. As a coach, my job is to help you create lasting and fulfilling change in your life. My goal is to keep you motivated, moving and always adapting. While we chase our goals we get to ask the big questions, address our bigger feelings or reactions and get to know ourselves through the process. And I’m privileged enough to get to help guide you through it. 

To thank you all for a magical year of growth and change I’ve got a gift for all of you!  

One final, end of the year, complete and total SALE over on my Etsy. Everything (yes, even 1:1 coaching sessions) is 20% off!

If you have been hesitating on coaching now is a great time to start. Take that first step and make a small investment in you. Need help deciding where to start? Here’s a little breakdown of what’s on sale. 

Recent Graduate Session:

CONGRATS to the grads! Now you must embark on your career journey. So, what do you want to do?

This 1×1 coaching session is a perfect gift for soon to be or recent grads. We will go over career options, how to know if a job is right for you, salary negotiations, how to build a career path & more.

It also comes with a downloadable copy of my “But Really Tho: What do YOU want?” program worksheets.

Triggered AF:

Triggered AF! Lately social media has been triggering me. I’ve started comparing myself to everyone else online and silently judging myself or them for what I have (or don’t have). In this lesson I’m teaching you how I turned my social media triggers into opportunities for growth.

This program is a 30 minute virtual 1×1 that will help you identify your triggers, honor the emotions they bring up and turn your triggers into opportunities for growth. The framework is laid out for you – all you have to do is show up.

Life or Career Coaching:

A 1×1 90 minute coaching session. We can focus on life, career, or major changes. Some options below:

1 Time Brainstorming Session: Need a nudge? Someone to hold your hand while you jump? Let’s brainstorm your dream career – your dream life with this 90 minute session!

1 Time Planning Meeting: Know what you want but struggling to get it? Let’s make a plan! In this 90 minute chat we will make a plan, set it in motion and build up your courage to jump all in on your dreams!

Career Coaching 7 Session Program:

You CAN leave a job you don’t like! Let’s make a plan. This option includes 7 1×1 sessions and a complete career makeover! Our focus will be building your career confidence. This program also includes: resume editing, interview tips, LinkedIn tips, negotiating a higher salary and more. 

Gratitude:

Let’s get guided by gratitude! This 30 minute virtual 1×1 session is designed to help you build a gratitude practice.

Included in this bundle:

30 minute 1×1 call over zoom

PDF download of gratitude journal prompts to help you get started on your gratitude journey

WDYW:

This 7 lesson program is designed to help you identify what you want, make a plan to get it and pick yourself back up when you fall. It’s a 28 page guide with 7 additional worksheets designed to help you through the process.

This program can help you change your career, plan to run your first marathon or master your dream of writing a novel. Regardless of your goals this program is designed to motivate you to take control of your life.

I’ll be featuring these over on instagram this week @btrlytho 

Can’t decide? Sign up for a discovery call and we can pick together. 

Enjoy!

self love motivation

A Lesson In Self Love

Recently I realized that self love is the ultimate act of rebellion. 

My Journey 

I haven’t always been kind to myself. Fueled by perfectionism, competition and a fear of scarcity I used to let myself get wrapped up in the self hate body bashing the media feeds us. I tried to force myself into boxes that I didn’t even find appeasing. Managing to make myself smaller literally and figuratively in an effort to fit in. I did not do this for me – I thought it was what I was supposed to do and I’m not alone in falling for that trap. 

The beauty and wellness industries make millions off of this societally fed self hatred. In the US the beauty industry alone makes upwards of $49 million and the wellness industry dupes us into diet pills at a whopping $4.2 trillion globally!  Obviously not everything in the beauty or wellness industry is “bad” but they all share a common thread – the less we love ourselves the more money they make. 

Not only is this desire to be homogenous excessive, exhausting and expensive but it is also inauthentic. We can spend chunks of change on trying to make ourselves more loveable but in the end the true work comes from the inside. How we feel about ourselves matters more than how we look – yet somehow we have been taught to equate the two. 

For my auditory learners here is a little chat on my self love journey.

Rebellion 

So how do we separate our self love from how we appear? We start rebelling.

Don’t worry – I’m not telling you to give up your beauty routine to love yourself (I love lipstick and I have no shame in saying that) but let’s get real about why we buy the things we buy. I love working out and fitness. I truly enjoy running, weight lifting and fitness classes but if I start buying pilates machines to have at home because it will make me look like a pilates instructor I am doing it for the wrong reason!

Before I buy something in relation to the beauty or wellness world I ask myself some discovery questions: 

  • Am I buying this from a place of power or because I feel like I lack something? 
  • Does this item make me feel more confident or like I am hiding a part of myself?
  • Am I buying this to help me feel healthier or because I believe “healthy” has a specific look and this will help me achieve it? 
  • Am I buying this product to change myself into a more homogenous person or does it help me honor my authentic self? 

There are no rights and wrongs here we just want to make sure our brain understands that we are buying things that make us feel like “us” and happy, not because someone decided that we should look a certain way. 

My favorite anecdote for people who are trying to build their self love and self confidence is to remind them that some white dude in marketing is probably writing the campaigns, or is at least the major decision maker behind them, that make them feel like they need flawless skin or toned legs. Let’s call him Dave. Dave probably does not have flawless skin or toned legs. Yet he makes money off of us believing that we need flawless skin and toned legs. Do you need flawless skin or toned legs to survive? Absolutely not. Do you even want flawless skin? Probably not. But somehow Dave has convinced us that we do. If we ignore the marketing and only buy items that we want we are being rebellious. Don’t fall for Dave’s self hate fueled marketing trick. 

Practicing Kindness with Ourselves 

The other way I started rebelling against institutionalized self hatred is by being over the TOP on my self love conversations with myself.

As a perfectionist I like to hold myself to insurmountable goals and standards. I’ve worked to consciously lower those standards and as part of that work I have begun celebrating every single little thing I do with the verve of a toddlers birthday party. Not every task gets balloons and streamers but I try to do at least one of these: 

  • I tell myself affirmations like “I am so proud of you for trying a new thing regardless of how it turns out!” or “You are loveable regardless of your productivity”. It can feel a bit hokey but it works – I promise! 
  • I give gratitude to myself “I am grateful for my tenacity to get this new task done” or “I am grateful that I have the time and energy to work on this new project”. Anything that shows appreciation for myself – bonus points if it isn’t about how I look. 
  • I brag about myself! Women are statistically less likely to brag about themselves so I try to communicate my worth out loud to someone! It can be to a social media post, a friend, or a family member. 

Be rebellious and brag about yourself. Run your first mile? Brag about it! Write a poem? Brag about it! Enjoy your accomplishments and celebrate you. 

The Results of Self Love 

I’ve been working on being kinder to myself for years now and recently I’ve begun to notice a MAJOR shift in how I think about myself. I’m more empathetic towards myself, I give myself more space to make mistakes and I’ve stopped worrying that other people will misinterpret my intent because I know what I meant and my intentions. 

Being kind to ourselves is hard. The world is designed to make money off of our self hatred. Be  a rebel and practice self love! 

Need help getting started? 1:1 life coaching chats available! Sign up at the bottom of this page for a FREE discovery call. 

** please do not use this post to replace mental or physical health care from a physician. Always work with a licensed professional when it comes to your health. 

mindset monsters

Meet Your Mindset Monsters

I’ve been thinking a lot about my mindset monsters. These monsters are thoughts that hold me back, the fears that keep me playing small, all the self beliefs that try to keep me “safe” and for a very long time they kept me from even knowing what I wanted to do. Since I’ve come to terms with my mindset monsters I’ve grown immeasurably and I have no plans to stop. But as I’ve ruminated on how they held me back I realized that my mindset monsters aren’t uniquely mine. 

I created a program about facing them and I shared it with all of you. This week that program is on a major sale and to accompany this sale I’m going to share a different monster everyday on my Instagram & Twitter this week. Our monsters include: 

  • Our “What If” Monster
  • Judgmental Jerry
  • Checking in with our gut 

Ready to jump in? Follow along on any of my social media platforms! 

Want to face your mindset monsters head on? Visit my Etsy & enter code 2020Burnout for 50% off 

Let’s find clarity on what you want, on your own time & at your own pace. 

Need someone to work through the program with you? Sign up for a coaching 1:1 & we can chat it out. Discovery calls are always free! Scroll to the bottom of this page to sign up!

rest

Rest, Revisit and Integrate

This week we are going to rest and revisit previous blog posts. Why? Well, I’m tired. Are you tired? I’m tired. And since one of my favorite messages is that everyone is worthy of rest I think it’s essential to lead by example. So, this week we are resting. 

Rest is crucial to absorbing and retaining information. It is essential to take time to slow down if we want to perform at our best and without rest I become the grumpiest person on the planet (I make Oscar the Grouch look like an optimist).

Rest can be active (walking, moving meditations, yoga, reading) or it can be passive (napping, meditating, etc). Rest can be day dreaming, rest can be coloring. It can be spending time with family or ignoring all your calls. It’s up to you – it’s individual and you cannot do it wrong unless you don’t do it. 

This week on my Youtube channel I will be uploading a video about my struggle with setting a sleep schedule. It’s an ode to rest and I briefly touch on the importance of sleep (but if you want more I highly recommend reading Why We Sleep – it’s amazing). 

Other than the video we are going to keep new content to a minimum. Instead we are going to take some time to revisit the messages that I think need a little extra time to sink in. Ready for the schedule? 

Our Weekly Schedule

Sound fun? Follow along on instagram @btrlytho to keep up or go at your own pace. Integrate what resonates with you and let go of what doesn’t!

It’s your week to integrate and play – use it well!