go with the flow river scene

How I Embody Go with the Flow

Lately, my energy has been all over the place so my new motto has been to “go with the flow”. This phrase isn’t new or revolutionary but it’s been exceedingly helpful for me. And before you scroll away wondering if I have lost my marbles (which I have) let me explain! 

By going with the flow I have been learning to accept that I have high energy days and low energy days and a lot of days where I slide between the two. This revelation means two things for me. One is that I can simply let myself be where I am for the day and move from that place to get things done. And the second is that my energy will always come back eventually. 

Working Through the Lows (Sometimes)

But Emily, you may ask, how can you be productive on low energy days? To be honest some days I do and some days I don’t. If I can, I let myself rest. If I cannot, I tap into a few of my favorite productivity hacks (like batching, setting a timer, playing soundscape playlists, trying to find a low energy state of flow) and make it happen. 

More often than not the task can wait. So I rest. I allow myself to do something that fills me up a little like water coloring, journaling, laying on the couch and talking to my dog or screaming into the void. There are no rights and wrongs in this – being tired is morally neutral. And from this place of rest I can remind myself that the energy will always come back. 

Energy Always Flows Back In 

Whether I have a low energy day, afternoon, week or month I like to remind myself to go with the flow – the energy will always flow back in. Sometimes it takes longer than I would like and sometimes I wish it would stay longer but it always comes back. 

I also apply go with the flow when the energy comes rushing back in. I try to ride the new energetic waves instead of rushing through everything on my to do list. Everything doesn’t have to be accomplished on this single wave of energy. 

Do You Go with the Flow?

So if you are tired, please find rest if you can. And if you can’t find rest, maybe try accepting that tiredness is morally neutral. You will do the best with the energy you have and energy will always come back eventually. 

**This blog is not intended to replace mental or physical health care. Please work with a licensed professional when it comes to your health.

no thank you

No Thank You

Things are beginning to re-open, mask mandates are being lifted, families are planning reunions and here is your reminder that you are allowed to say “No Thank You” to things you don’t want to do. 

No thank you is a complete sentence. It is a conversation ender, a reminder to others that you have boundaries, and it is one of my favorite phrases. No thank you is not rude, it is not offensive and if uttered appropriately it is the queen of boundary setting! 

As you can tell, I love the word no. It empowers me. I love it so much I’ve already shared a blog about it! But even with my obvious adoration for the phrase here is a reminder that we were not always this close. My friend no did not always live in my boundary setting toolkit. In pre-covid times I used it sparingly due to a fear of being perceived as rude. A major fear of setting boundaries put me in a place where I would overextend myself often. I consistently poured from an empty cup.

Over the course of the last couple years I began to crack under the strain of consistent burnout from my inability to say no. I had to learn to say no and stay firm in the boundaries. It was not an easy journey. So now I want to remind you that you too can decline invitations that make you uncomfortable.

A Post 2020 You Might Want to Say No Thank You More!

Shelter in place and 18 months of consistent quarantine has made me very selective about how I spend my time. I no longer pour from an empty cup, opting for saving my energy for projects, people and clients that I am passionate about. A key part of this change has been getting really comfortable with saying “No Thanks!” to many things that no longer align with me. I’ve let friendships that did not align naturally grow distant, I reject projects that don’t align with my business and I do not offer to work with clients who don’t mesh with me.

After spending this much time focusing on growing myself and my business has built my confidence in boundary setting and being able to confidently and politely say “No Thank You” is crucial for my energy preservations. Setting boundaries like these has made me feel more fulfilled with my work and less stressed by my day to day life. 

As the world reopens and people go from extreme isolation to large group gatherings it’s ok to feel uncomfortable. Needing time to process the last 18 months does not make you a bad person. Being hesitant of group gatherings does not mean you are “living in fear”. Setting boundaries and refusing to attend group gatherings does not make you anti-social. Remember to take your time coming out of your home, be patient with yourself while you re-adjust to in person socializing. Remember that you have the power to say “No Thank You” to things you don’t want to do! 

Need someone to chat it out with? Life & Career Coaching sessions are available here!

comparison

Quitting Comparison

One of the ways I used to make myself miserable was by comparing myself to everyone around me. I spent my youth trying to be the smartest, wittiest, most talented person in the room…which probably made me insufferable to my peers. Lucky for my friends and family, I’ve removed this quality from my rolodex of ideal traits. This week I’m sharing the flaws in our competitive comparison culture and how I determine my self-worth without the input of others. 

Comparison Leeches on Our Relationships  

Comparison is like a leech. It feeds off of our fears of not being enough and encourages us to judge and rank those around us. Comparison tells us that our worth is based off of the metrics  we set while looking at others. It allows us to place ourselves as the center of a universe where everyone around us is ranked in a hierarchy. This is toxic, inaccurate and prevents us from viewing ourselves clearly. 

Once we start it’s hard to stop. When we are in deep with comparison, we build our communities around our perceived value and hold everyone in our lives to this same scale. In reality this does not serve us. Not only is it a disservice to ourselves and our self-esteem but it’s also unfair to everyone in our life that we are holding to standards that they don’t even know about. 

Comparison makes us narcissistic – we begin to believe that we are the judge and that we will never be good enough unless we are better than everyone else. To have a healthy relationship with ourselves and others we have to let it go. 

Using Comparison to Determine Self- Worth 

Back when comparison still had a grasp on me I would let it determine my self-worth. If I felt like shit about myself I would go look for someone else to compare myself to in an attempt to feel better. If someone was having an easier time than me I would come up with ways that I was still better than them. In every instance where I could have been looking at myself and how I could grow I was looking at others trying to bring them (or myself) down. 

Doing this doesn’t make you a monster – I think we all do this to an extent. We try to build our self-esteem off of the success of others because the only examples we see in our lives come from external sources. It’s also important to note that being inspired by someone is very different emotionally than comparing yourself to someone. For me that concept was a game changer. Once I became aware of this I was able to stop, evaluate what I wanted and build my self-esteem from my own scale of self-worth.

Self-Worth in a Silo 

Untangling from the comparison mentality is a lifelong journey. The first step was to become aware of when I was practicing comparison instead of self-reflection. The second step was to start actually working on self-reflection. To do this I started journaling. I began asking myself what I wanted, what I thought, what I liked and didn’t like about myself. What were the markers of success for me and what did I value most in a person. Once I was able to see who I wanted to be it made cutting back on comparison a bit easier. I quickly realized that the people I was comparing myself to are on very different life paths than I am. Through this I learned that I didn’t even want the things they had and I was able to figure out what I wanted instead. 

I hope this motivates you to look at the ways you are using comparison in your life. Comparison is truly the thief of joy – I am happier without it dominating my mental space. 

Want to work on this in a 1:1 capacity? Life or career coaching sessions are available here! Schedule your free discovery call today. 

Want to dive in deeper? Let’s chat!
what do you want

How to Ask for what YOU Want this Year

Ready for your first tip of 2021? 

2021 is the year that we are going to ask for what we want! So tell me, what do you want?

Semi easy in concept but when we really start thinking about it, identifying what we want and why we want it can get messy. Do we really want to run a marathon or do we just like the idea of having run a marathon? Do we really want to be a millionaire or do we just want to not worry about money? Are we sure we want to be a doctor or are we just assuming we want to because it’s the only career we have ever considered?

When we start asking ourselves what we ACTUALLY want things get messy. But if we don’t take the time to check in on what we want we may end up with regret about how we spent our short time on this rock. Sure we might run the marathon but if we hate every moment of it what was the point? What were we really looking for from that experience? Can we quit halfway to our goal? 

Sometimes choosing our goals can feel high stakes. Never fear, I’m here to help you make this a little easier on yourself!

It is NOT Ungrateful to Want More 

First, we must be able to let ourselves want! Allowing ourselves to desire can be hard especially since we have spent the majority of our lives being told that we should be grateful for what we have. Gratitude is wonderful, it has a purpose, it is well meaning but we have to be able to be grateful AND desire more at the same time. If not, we may end up stagnant. 

Being demanding, wanting more and having the confidence to ask for it is not ungrateful. Ignore the bs from society telling you to play small. You can be grateful and want more. In fact, I recommend that you be grateful and want more. 

Make a List 

Now that you have let yourself want it’s time to make a list. Just like Santa… but this list is just for you. Literally, no shame, no judgment, no realistic outlooks required. Just a list of whatever you want!

This includes everything from your dream career, home, whatever you want. You can niche this down if you are specifically looking for guidance in your career or you can leave it wide open. Think of anything and everything that you believe would support you or make you happy. Begin asking yourself why you want things as you write them down but don’t overthink it. 

Throw Anything You “Should” Want Away 

After you have that list ready to go it’s time to look it over for any “shoulds”. If you’ve been here for a while you know how I feel about should-ing ourselves. I hate it.

Removing should’s varies by person but one of the ways I do it is to check in with my guts. Instead of getting in my head about the items on my list I start asking myself how my heart feels about the goal. Am I excited? Are there happy butterflies in my stomach? Am I nauseous because it seems like something that will take a lot of work? Does that end goal excite me enough to work through it? 

Be honest with yourself. It is your life. At the end of the day you are the only one who has to look back on what you’ve done and live with the choices. I promise that the authenticity that may be really hard in the moment will pay off in the end. 

Imagine the End Result

After we remove our should’s it’s time to imagine the end result of what we want. Some key questions to ask ourselves: 

How do you feel and what does it look like? The answer to this is going to help you stay motivated. 

Does the end result include expectations that are not connected to items on your list? 

Remove or add items as needed.

Finalize that List

Write up that final list of what you want. All of it. From the career changes to the healthy habits to anything and everything in between. Once you have your list finalized it’s time to pick a goal or two to start working towards. 

Make a Plan 

Finally, now that you know what you want it’s time to start making a plan. May I recommend this blog post about goal setting to get you started? 

Remember, goal setting is fun, change is exciting and going for what we want can be rewarding and HARD. If you get stuck, need help, get lost or just need someone to chat out your next steps with you please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m here to help! Discovery calls are always free. I have some 1:1 monthly coaching spots available and if you need something to work on with your own time check out my in depth goal setting and planning program called WDYW

Ready to go for those goals? I’m so excited to watch you succeed! 

** please do not use this post to replace mental or physical health care from a physician. Always work with a licensed professional when it comes to your health. 

new year

New Year, Same Witch

Happy New Year!! We have made it, it is the last day of 2020. Congrats! You did it! I’m so proud of you!

First, let’s chat some New Year New You reminders:

  • The pandemic isn’t over just because you are over it
  • 2020 was A LOT so be really f*cking nice to yourself this year
  • You are so much more than what you do for a living (I’ve got a blog & video all about this subject – go check it out if you need a reminder)
  • Whatever you accomplished in 2020 was MORE THAN ENOUGH (mentally & physically living through a pandemic is bad*ss).
  • YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SET GOALS THIS WEEK
  • If you set 2021 goals, resolutions, whatever you want to call them remember to be flexible. 2020 taught us the importance of being able to pivot, delay, slow down & adapt.
  • You do not have to start your goals on 1/1 – you can start making changes in your life on any day, at any time, regardless of the date or time of year. 

Now that we have covered our reminders let’s chat goals. If you’re going the goal setting route I encourage you to take a week or two to get settled into 2021 before you start jumping into action. Rest is crucial for our success. Going into a new plan on the verge of burnout creates unnecessary stress in our lives. 

So rest. 

And if you think you’ve rested enough ask yourself why you think that. 

Is it because you believe productivity is equal to worth? Noodle on that one for me. 

Could it be because you don’t find rest very “restful”? Example: I struggle with sitting still. Sometimes rest for me is moving my body gently to rest my mind. 

Or is it because you are a self care queen & you are able to keep your cup full? 

Don’t push yourself this year. Hustle culture has taught us to push, go, chase, strive & sometimes we need to ignore this impulse. Take a little time, think about what you want & try to detox from hustle culture. Use your PTO (if you’ve been ignoring it) to take a time out. 

Start your goals when you’re rested. 

I’ll be back with a new post about goal setting on January 6th! Until then, rest, be well & be proud of yourself for getting through the year. 

*100% already rested & ready to start goal setting? Sign up for a free coaching discovery call – let’s create a sustainable plan to your goals. Link to schedule your call here

thank you grateful for all of you

Grateful For You Sale

I’m so grateful for all of you! I’m definitely going into Thanksgiving with a little extra gratitude in my heart this year. 

I’m assuming I am not alone in saying that this year did not go the way I planned it. Things were shaken up in ways I couldn’t have possibly imagined – it was absolutely terrifying and absolutely thrilling. 

Although starting a business during a pandemic hasn’t been the easiest thing I’ve done – it’s quickly become the most rewarding. I made a commitment to myself this year. Major choices and changes were made and I’m so grateful for all the love and support I’ve received through this process. My change management skills have never been more crucial and due to that they have also never been more honed in than they are right now. Which is why I want to help you jumpstart change before we go into 2021. 

Agent of Change 

Lasting change does not usually happen over night (need proof? Watch my new video over on my Youtube about building a new morning & bedtime routine). It takes time, effort, consistency and a lot of flexibility. As a coach, my job is to help you create lasting and fulfilling change in your life. My goal is to keep you motivated, moving and always adapting. While we chase our goals we get to ask the big questions, address our bigger feelings or reactions and get to know ourselves through the process. And I’m privileged enough to get to help guide you through it. 

To thank you all for a magical year of growth and change I’ve got a gift for all of you!  

One final, end of the year, complete and total SALE over on my Etsy. Everything (yes, even 1:1 coaching sessions) is 20% off!

If you have been hesitating on coaching now is a great time to start. Take that first step and make a small investment in you. Need help deciding where to start? Here’s a little breakdown of what’s on sale. 

Recent Graduate Session:

CONGRATS to the grads! Now you must embark on your career journey. So, what do you want to do?

This 1×1 coaching session is a perfect gift for soon to be or recent grads. We will go over career options, how to know if a job is right for you, salary negotiations, how to build a career path & more.

It also comes with a downloadable copy of my “But Really Tho: What do YOU want?” program worksheets.

Triggered AF:

Triggered AF! Lately social media has been triggering me. I’ve started comparing myself to everyone else online and silently judging myself or them for what I have (or don’t have). In this lesson I’m teaching you how I turned my social media triggers into opportunities for growth.

This program is a 30 minute virtual 1×1 that will help you identify your triggers, honor the emotions they bring up and turn your triggers into opportunities for growth. The framework is laid out for you – all you have to do is show up.

Life or Career Coaching:

A 1×1 90 minute coaching session. We can focus on life, career, or major changes. Some options below:

1 Time Brainstorming Session: Need a nudge? Someone to hold your hand while you jump? Let’s brainstorm your dream career – your dream life with this 90 minute session!

1 Time Planning Meeting: Know what you want but struggling to get it? Let’s make a plan! In this 90 minute chat we will make a plan, set it in motion and build up your courage to jump all in on your dreams!

Career Coaching 7 Session Program:

You CAN leave a job you don’t like! Let’s make a plan. This option includes 7 1×1 sessions and a complete career makeover! Our focus will be building your career confidence. This program also includes: resume editing, interview tips, LinkedIn tips, negotiating a higher salary and more. 

Gratitude:

Let’s get guided by gratitude! This 30 minute virtual 1×1 session is designed to help you build a gratitude practice.

Included in this bundle:

30 minute 1×1 call over zoom

PDF download of gratitude journal prompts to help you get started on your gratitude journey

WDYW:

This 7 lesson program is designed to help you identify what you want, make a plan to get it and pick yourself back up when you fall. It’s a 28 page guide with 7 additional worksheets designed to help you through the process.

This program can help you change your career, plan to run your first marathon or master your dream of writing a novel. Regardless of your goals this program is designed to motivate you to take control of your life.

I’ll be featuring these over on instagram this week @btrlytho 

Can’t decide? Sign up for a discovery call and we can pick together. 

Enjoy!