Hi 2020, Sorry I’m Late. I was Lacking Motivation

I’m going to be 110% honest, I have had zero motivation for the last week. As a self-proclaimed lover of fresh starts I have gone into this New Year on a more subdued note than usual. Instead of beating myself up about it, I spent a little time reflecting on 2019 and I came to the conclusion that 2019 was a happy little storm of chaos and I know I’m not the only one feeling this way.

My 2019 intention of self care in action at Disneyland
Me, driving into the new year.

Somehow 2019 managed to have the highest of highs (Disneyland, moving, promotions, growing this community, Herman settling in, sweet moments with dear friends) and some low lows (family members being sick, the loss of Brenton’s grandma, anxiety, generalized confusion on how to adult, the whole political climate, the fact that we are LITERALLY killing our planet). This year had the making of a perfect season of a teen drama but unlike Gossip Girl I couldn’t turn it off when the plot started to sink.

My 2019 intention of being kind to myself in action at Disneyland.
Living my best life at Mickey’s house

Yet, somehow, by the grace of our own strengths, we all made it. 

When I started 2019, bright eyed and bushy tailed, I set myself the following intentions: 

  • Be patient with myself and others (done)  
  • Shush my chronic imposter syndrome (she could be quieter but we’re improving) 
  • Continue self care through movement, good food, meditation, and general health (done)
  • Continue writing and sharing (done) 
  • Learn conversational spanish (my Duolingo Owl thinks I am a lost cause)

While I may have failed at learning Spanish I’m proud of how well I did on the rest of my 2019 intentions. Not only did I reach my goals but I had fiction and non-fiction published, I bought this blog domain so I could monetize it, I doubled my social media following for the blog (check it out here if you aren’t following along already), and I built my confidence to an unrecognizable state. 

I’m so proud of me! Which means this year I can update my intentions to encompass even more of the woman I want to be (and already am inside). Are we ready? My 2020 intentions are: 

  • To live an authentic life by honoring my whole self and prioritizing my wellbeing 
  • Keep building my blog, social media, podcasts, and writing projects 
  • Stay grounded in the chaos of the world 
  • *Keep at my Duolingo to get my Spanish up and running again 

So how am I going to do it? First, I always set intentions instead of resolutions because they leave room for human error, off days, and they help this former perfectionist sleep better. Then, I usually break down my intentions month by month and pick a few things to focus on. As we ease our way into January I’m focusing on the top half of the list and being selfish with my time by putting all my energy into my side projects. Brenton and I have already launched a Veronica Mars rewatch podcast called Life on Mars and we are working on another one about conspiracy theories called But Really Though. I’ll continue being active on here, on my instagram, and twitter. As always, I’ll be in the gym 5 days a week and working my way through YWA January Yoga Journey. 

I’m excited for my 2020 adventure and after 2019 I’m hanging on tight. I’m sure it will only get crazier from here. 

Happy New Year! 

2017 Recap, 2018 Ready!

2017 was chaos. The hangover from the clusterfuck of the 2016 presidential election loomed over the first half of my year. I refused to let the commander in cheeto ruin my year completely, but boy did he try. I’ve decided to spin something positive out of it and have put upon myself a goal to practice gratitude and find the positives of 2017 in order to determine my 2018 goals.

I created healthy, well rounded habits in 2017. For my physical self I began exercising regularly, cooking more and not eating things that make me sick all the time (looking at you, gluten). I tried new fitness classes. I did barre, pilates, public yoga classes and I began lifting weights. I also let myself take rest days when I wanted and I occasionally went for the full gluten pizza (sorry tummy). I attempted balance and I made it my mission to get strong physically and mentally.

Emotionally, I dealt with the death of two grandparents, the emotional turmoil of being unsatisfied in my career and my post grad comedown. I let myself feel emotions instead of bottling them up. I refused to settle in my unsatisfactory work place and I got a new job in a new city that I started 1/2/2018. I simultaneously managed leaving my position to take this new opportunity, moving my life 300 miles north and spending Christmas with B’s family (before this year I have never spent Christmas away from my family). I managed my stress by practicing my yoga and mediation more than I have in previous years.

I took baby steps and set manageable goals. Most importantly I made it; and if you’re reading this you made it too.

I’ve come out of 2017 emotionally spent but still optimistic for the future. I took emotional strength inspiration from my fellow feminists. I ruminate on the power I felt watching coverage from the Women’s March. I have faith in the common decency of the US even if those in power are only working from a place of self interest. #MeToo brought to light that victims of assault are unfortunately common and will not hide in the shadows anymore. The anger and activism has brought a voice to women. I have learned so much about myself, my views on feminism and intersectional feminism. I’ve learned about the importance of amplifying the voices of those who are not heard. I put a lot of energy in improving myself in 2017 and I want to stay on the same path.

My goals for 2018 are a little abstract again. I want to do more of what makes me happy which includes exercising frequently, attempting a daily meditation, reading books and writing. I want to use my reading and writing to expand my vocabulary; my post grad verbiage is weak. I’m going to continue posting on this blog but I’m going to take it slower and not force myself to put something up when I don’t have honest inspiration. The world doesn’t need more pointless noise. I also want to manage my money better and start saving for future travels. I handled this decently while prepping for my big move but I know there is room for improvement. I want to continue facing my fears (like flying, driving on freeways and doing things that I’m not a natural at) and take every difficult task as an opportunity to grow instead of a road bump.

First things first; I’m going to build on my yoga. I’m doubling down on my 30 days of yoga challenge and I am participating in both Alo and Yoga with Adriene’s January challenges. I’m also setting myself the January goal of settling into my new city which includes finding a new doctor, optometrist and dentist. I’m going to test run a few gyms and snuggle into my new normal in my new city.

StockSnap_TVEUBLIOSK.jpgI’m starting 2018 filled with hope and excitement. I created change for myself in 2017 and I’m happier for it. Here’s to a significantly better, especially on the political front, 2018.

Happy New Year!

Finishing at My Own Pace

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated everyone on my goal of cultivating love and creativity this year. 2017 definitely threw some wrenches in my plan but I managed to meet so many of my goals this year.

I did not adhere to my monthly goals perfectly through 2017 but I learned what worked and what didn’t for me. I was able to sit back and watch how I react to a crazy workload, how I act when I am stressed to the gills and how I react to being underwhelmed.

I’ve learned that a once a week posting schedule may sound simple but it is still a lot of writing. With all that happened this year I had to learn to go easier on myself. I let myself fail, take a couple weeks or even a month off and the best part is that I was okay. Not conquering everything the way I intended to did not kill me (crazy, right?)

1197079A lot of growing feels like failing. It is learning what works for you and what does not.

My mantra for this year has been “just because it does not work for you does not make it wrong”. By removing the emotion from what works for me and what doesn’t I was able to look at things in a more loving way.

I realized that the most important part of cultivating love was having it to give.

I’m spending the last month of 2017 healing from a surgery and getting ready for a big change. I figured out that my current position was no longer serving me and it is time for a change of scenery. Letting go of what does not serve me and moving on to something better is the biggest act of self-love. Because of this B and I are relocating to the bay!

With all of this change rapidly approaching my only goal for December is to continue getting comfortable with my self-love and the channel my creativity into something fun, decorating my new living space. After the rapid changes of 2017 I’m ready to slow down.

See you in 2018 with my new goals.